Puzzles

One part of my week that I look forward to is when my Dad gets the latest TV guide. Not because I ever look at it, or watch much TV, no. But he likes to do the puzzles. Puzzles that take the form of a crossword. Once the crossword is complete you take the letters from the highlighted squares and rearrange them to answer one final clue. And invariably he comes to me seeking the last couple of missing letters he needs, or to solve the anagram because, not only am I good at anagrams but I invariably soak up information without realising it (such as knowing Nina Wadia plays a character in Eastenders. I've never watched the show, but I know her name and knew it fitted the letter pattern available). It's just a shame it tends to be over too quickly. Today's went a little like this.

Me: Nina Wadia. Your last letter's an A.
Dad: Ok so we have sixteen letters. It's a Tv presenter, 7, 9.
(He shows me the letters)
(Two seconds pass)
Me: Claudia Winkleman.
Dad: Well done!

Sometimes it's nice to be useful, even in a useless way. You know?

Reading

So having finished Ed's story I took a little break to catch up on some reading. Oh sure my xfire profile will tell you that I also did some heavy hours on Counterstrike (ranked 3rd on the server out of over 1500 :P) but I have been reading my socks off.
I started with "Colony" by Rob Grant. Been meaning to read that for a while. It was amusing and quirky, as expected from Red Dwarf's co-creator. A little short though and the ending... Weeeeelllll. I'm left wondering if I interpreted his intention correctly. :P You can never tell.

And then I began reading the Complete Sherlock Holmes. :D I can't remember when I bought it but it's another one I've been meaning to read like forever. I think I was probably cajoled into picking it up by having seen the new film recently. That was worth a look by the way. Much better than I expected for a Guy Ritchie offering. The book is simply a collection of all the stories as they were published in The Strand magazine. The thing it that stands out is just how short they are. Some of these early mysteries are over in no time at all and yet still there's a fair bit packed into though, most of it of course simply based around Holmes's unerring logic.

And then I read Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. It's a great premise for a book. Two people, both called Will Grayson, each one written by one of the authors. The Wills don't know each other at the start of the book but near the middle they meet. It's pretty good, both writers have managed to create distinctly different Will Graysons and a small supporting cast. All in all, it's bloody good. And John Green is awesome. Which is why I also started reading another book of his called "An Abundance of Katherines".

But then I got annoyed with myself for not being able to write as well as Rob Grant, Conan Doyle or John Green. And that of course just make me determined to make sure the next project is even better. It occurred to me that that really means leaving Ed behind. It's a shame, and maybe he'll return some time. But I think I'm done with Ed for now. As for what's coming and when, I don't know. I get the feeling an idea is brewing at the back of my mind but I'm not allowed to peek yet. But I can feel it there. When it's ready, I'll get right on it.

Bitemarks - Epilogue

Bitemarks - Epilogue

Ed pulled over his car at the side of the road and got out. This was it. This was the address. The house was pretty nondescript. A semi-detached property in a reasonably quiet leafy street. A far cry from his own urban terraced pad. He climbed out of the car and pushed open the gate but before he could approach the door it opened. And there she stood. The first time he'd ever seen Katia outside of work. He didn't know what he expected but it sure wasn't slashed blue denim jeans and a Poleaxe T-shirt. Sure they were going to see the band perform but still it took him by surprise.
"You're late." she said, cocking her head to one side as if awaiting an excuse.
"My satnav is useless." he said, and it was. "Thanks, you know, for coming with me. Only Tony said if I went alone he was going to announce on stage that I was gay and single..."
She laughed at that.
"That's ok. I'm a big fan after all. How could I resist backstage tickets?"
"I didn't even think you liked metal."
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Ed. You should learn to ask questions."
"Such as?"
"Such as whether their current drummer was anywhere near as good as their original one."
She poked her tongue out at his lack of response and made for the car. Ed shook his head and followed her.


--------------------


The gig itself was every bit as phenomenal as he expected. Poleaxe put on one hell of a show, mixing their set up by alternating between material from the new album and their old classics. And as promised they blasted through the New Year's Eve countdown with "Atomic Bomb" finishing to thunderous applause and yelling and screaming from the mass of fans. Ed genuinely enjoyed himself and from the looks of things so too did Katia. And when the gig was over and the fans began to drift out towards the bar to grab 'one for the road' and let their hearing return Ed and Katia made for the backstage area, flashing their passes at the burly security guards. Sure enough Tony was waiting for them.
"Ed! You dirty little fucker. Was that awesome or what?"
He was still wide-eyed, buzzing from the adrenaline and sweating like a pig.
"Yeah." smiled Ed, "Pretty hardcore."
"Like the filthiest German porn." agreed Tony. "And who's this stunning piece lurking behind you? Alright sweetheart?"
He offered a sweaty hand and Katia shook it.
"Katia. Ed and I work together."
"Oh fucking aye. 'Work together' is it?" He leered and winked at Ed, "So you're from that place? What was it again Ed, fucking catering or some shit?"
Katia nodded.
"Worthington catering yeah."
Tony shook his head.
"Such a shame. fucker had so much promise too." he slapped Ed on the back. "Well let's not stand around back here like some old fucking grannies, eh?"
He turned and led them to a function room where the rest of the band were lounging around on battered old sofas and swigging beer. Ed was warmly greeted by his ex bandmates and Tony tossed him a beer from a cooler.
"And for the lady?" asked Tony.
"Beer's fine thanks."
He threw her one, purposely fast but she snatched it from the air regardless.
"Girl's got reflexes." he chuckled, plomping himself down on one of the sofas. "Oy Derek, skin up a phat one for our guests."
Derek groaned.
"Colin can do it man, my hands are killing me."
Colin set to rolling an overly large cannabis joint as the others slurped their beer. Ed took it upon himself to introduce Katia to the other band members.
"Tony, you met. That's Derek, bass guitarist. Colin, vocals. Gary, second guitar. And Tobias, drums."
Tobias nodded.
"Guys keep telling me how good you were, Ed. I gotta admit, you were better than I am."
"Enough of that soppy shit." interrupted Tony, "We wouldn't have you if you weren't at least decent. What did you two fuckers think of the set anyway?"
"You kicked ass." said Katia, "Loved every minute of it. Why did you open with Death Mask though? Bit slow to kick things off. I was expecting maybe Hammerblow or Guns of Fire."
"A true fan." said Tony impressed, "It was that useless cunt, Derek's idea."
"Oy bellend!" shouted Derek, throwing his empty beer can at Tony who ducked, giggling.
"Nah we love him really, silly little fucker. Keeps us amused. So tell us, you two dating or what?"
Ed was about to protest when Katia snuck an arm beneath his.
"He doesn't know it yet, but this was our first date."
"Fucking ay." said Tony, "Guess you're not a queer after all, Ed. Shame, Derek was eyeing you up."
Derek looked around for something to throw at Tony but couldn't find anything so he resorted to a put down.
"Yeah, just you single now, eh Tony?"
"All the better for ease of groupie access." Tony shot back without a pause. He tapped his head twice then pointed a finger at Derek. "Mind like a fucking razor blade, son."
Derek sighed.
"And a mouth like a Romanian hooker." he tried.
Tony laughed, standing up and grabbing his crotch.
"Poosey for sale bayby." he mocked, gyrating.
"Now you see why I left." said Ed. Katia nodded.
"Yeah, they're far too mature for you."
"Oooh zing!" yelled Tony, flopping back down. "I like her Ed. You too should have little chef babies or some shit."
Ed didn't even know what to say.
"Silence says it all." said Tony, making whipcrack motions with his hand and sound effects with his mouth.
Ed sighed.
"You just can't win against him." he said to Katia, "He's got an answer for everything."
"He doesn't even need the fucking questions." said Colin, "Never shuts up for a second."
"Gotta make up for his tiny dick somehow." said Katia.
Tony's mouth opened wide.
"Oh, it's like that is it!"
Ed burst out laughing.
"Think that's the first time I've ever seen him stumped."
Katia squeezed his hand and sank back into the couch.
"We should have done this ages ago..."


---------------------------------

THE END

Bitemarks 5.7

Bitemarks 5.7

Ed didn't realised he'd passed out, or whether he was really conscious. The sky was black and the stars twinkled, vanishing entirely every time he blinked. Somewhere around him he could hear the soldiers moving around. He caught the faint voice of General Tober.
"That kid's got balls. Stevens, see what you can do for him."
A soldier's face loomed over him. He spoke to Ed and snapped his fingers to the left and right. Ed's eyes lazily followed them.
"He's dazed sir. And fatigued." said Stevens, "Don't think he's concussed though." He looked down at Ed again. "I'm gonna reseat your jaw. This is gonna hurt, try not to flinch."
Ed nodded, as best he could, and braced himself. Stevens clicked his jaw back into place and he'd been right, it hurt. Ed winced but managed to restrain the urge to flinch or yell. Stevens offered him a hand and pulled him up into a sitting position. Ed put a hand gently on his chin.
"That feels funny." he managed.
"You're gonna need medical attention and some painkillers." said Stevens, "Get that jaw looked at."
Now that Ed was sat up he could see General Tober, Alf and the other soldiers and the body of Skarletta, her head a few feet away.
"My men are shutting that radar terminal down." said Tober.
Alf shook his head.
"It may be too late for that." he pointed at the broken device on Skarletta's back. "Even if she was only transmitting for a few seconds..."
"How will we know?" asked Tober.
"We won't." said Alf, "Not until they arrive. We have to assume she was successful."
"A whole race of those things?"
"Perhaps." said Alf, "Maybe they died out long ago. Maybe they're so far away we'll have died out before they arrive. Or maybe we're in big big trouble."
"They could annihilate us." said Tober.
"No." said Ed, still nursing his jaw. "They don't want to kill us."
Tober looked confused.
Ed looked down at his free hand, still devoid of fingerprints from the acid.
"Every human has a unique fingerprint." he mused, "A great way of keeping track."
"What are you saying, Ed?" asked Alf.
Ed stood up.
"It's all too convenient. Our blood sustains them. They can pass on a portion of their strength, making weaker copies of themselves? All the better to keep the cattle in line. Livestock, all uniquely branded. They don't want to kill us. They want to control us."
"Why?" said Tober. "Why would they need us?"
"I don't know." said Ed, "But my guess would be that they're an old, dying race, technologically advanced, practically immortal but unable to breed. Maybe they created us, maybe they put us on this planet, who knows. But without them here to enslave us, control us, we overbred, became independent, developed our own technology. They left us here so long we evolved."
Alf snapped his fingers.
"The AB blood type!"
Ed nodded gently.
"But then why didn't it react with Beaclair's blood?"
"'Cos Beauclair was still essentially human. The mother was the only alien. The others were merely granted a taste of the master's power to keep everyone else in line. I guess whatever plan they had for us was put on hold when the Mother was buried in the ice."
The long wail of a siren signalled the arrival of Ed's ambulance.
"So what now?" said Tober.
"Well General", said Alf, "My 'boy' here is going to take a well earned rest while the rest of my field team finds the spawn this thing left behind."
"There's more of them?"
"Weaker ones, we hope. We'll have to work together to take them down while my scientists learn what they can from the alien's body."
"Your scientitsts?" said Tober, "This is a military situation."
"General please. We have diagnostic equipment that doesn't even exist until we announce it. Right now you and I need to prepare for an invasion that might never come..."

Bitemarks 5.6

Bitemarks 5.6

Skarletta hadn't been idle. The terminal computer would require too much work to have it send a message directly, but forcing it to echo an existing signal would be easier. Building a transmitter was child's play for her, even with such primitive components and tools. All it took were a few modifications to the main radar terminal to point the dish at the nearest satellite, a little coding to rewrite the computer's behaviour and a little soldering to make the computer components work the way she wanted. When she was finished she had a motherboard with three pci cards plugged into it, all powered by the cmos battery. It wouldn't work for very long at all. In fact, once the battery was in place her 'transmitter' would be able to transmit her signal for all of thirty seconds, more than long enough for the radar dish to detect it and echo the signal up to the satellite which in turn would send it on through space. All she had to do was step outside, push the battery in place and ensure the device remained transmitting for those thirty seconds. She still needed to take some precautions though. Although she could withstand a thirty second barrage of automatic weapons fire the fragile transmitter could not.
She lit the welding torch and gathered all the side panels from the PC towers she'd brought with her and those inside the radar hub and welded them together into one solid plate. Then she welded the motherboard mounts onto the plate and finally screwed the motherboard into place on the mounts. She took the last of the wires she had and strapped the contraption to her back. As long as she faced the enemy at all times any bullets that hit her would hit the plates next. It certainly wasn't flawless but hopefully it wouldn't matter. She didn't even need the full thirty seconds anyway. The signal would repeat six times over in that time frame so really, five seconds would be enough, ten to make absolutely certain. The Dherroine may well finish her tonight but their death warrant had been all but signed...
Skarletta picked up the dead cop by his head and drank down the last of the blood in his system then unbolted the door to the bunker, pushed the cmos battery into into place, kicked the door free of its housing and stepped out...


----------------------------------------------


Ed's heart pounded. He'd had plenty of time to dwell on the fear in the helicopter. His mind replayed a scene from his past in his head. His first ever live gig with Poleaxe. The fear had gripped him then, backstage. He'd let it overpower him and his hands still shook as he walked to his drumkit. His timing was awful. His feet missed beats, his hands double tapped cymbals. He was a mess throughout the first song. As that opening number finished the vocalist had begun shouting at the crowd to get them cheering and Tony had come storming over to Ed and shouted at him.
"Sort your shit out cunt! I know you're bricking it, we all are. But this isn't the time for fear man. This just isn't the time!"
That thought echoed through him.
This just isn't the time for fear.
Ed felt the microsyringe in his left hand. Adrenaline. The drug that gave the body its 'fight or flight' response. Ed knew which option he had to choose. This just wasn't the time for fear.
He looked ahead of him, at the shadowy figure of Skarletta that he was rapidly nearing. He heard soldiers somewhere nearby let off a volley of gunfire and the General's voice yelling at them to hold their fire. Ed jabbed the microsyringe into his leg and his whole world slowed to a standstill as the adrenaline blasted through his system. His right foot thumped into the floor and he lifted off again. The sounds of the automatic rifles slowed to distant thundering cannons. Somewhere ahead of him he saw the shock on Skarletta's face as she recognised him.

--------------------

Skarletta looked in astonishment as Ed drew closer. Twelve, thirteen. She counted in her head. It was him. That Dherroine with the bizarre weapon and the foul tasting blood. He had the look of a man prepared to die and she smelt no fear upon him. Only confidence. Determination. Fifteen. That was three repetitions. More than enough. Time to remove his head from his shoulders.


----------------------


Ed saw her leap. Saw her sail through the air almost gracefully, extending her right foot. He felt his left leg shift as it hit the floor. Felt his right hammer into the ground after it and push him aside. He could feel the whistle as her foot sailed past his right ear, missing him by millimetres. He tumbled forward, bringing his right arm upward. His elbow struck the floor and he rolled along the curve of his spine, twisting himself as he landed on his feet, facing the other way only to see her doing the same. A bullet struck her face, entering through one cheek and out the other but she didn't flinch. Somewhere in the back of his mind Ed became aware of a slow drumbeat growing louder and louder.
Thump
Thud
Thump
Thud
It was his heartbeat, he realised. And to that slow rhythm Skarletta ran toward him.
Thump.
Ed stood up.
Thud.
She was right there in front of him.
Thump.
He raised the crossbow and she pulled back a fist.
Thud.
Ed fired. Skarletta's punch connected. He'd tried to move, to dodge the incoming blow, but still it glanced off his chin. His world went topsy turvy as ground became sky, sky became ground and his vision exploded in a sea of red pain. The sound of his jaw cracking was like a thunderclap to his ears.
Thump.
Thump.
That second thump was not his heart but his skull hitting the floor. Air burst from his lungs. If he hadn't hit her then any second now his life would reach its conclusion. Coughing he pushed himself back onto his feet and wiped the tears from his eyes and blinked until his vision returned.
Thump.
Thud.
She was still standing. She pulled back her fist again. There wasn't time to reload the crossbow. All Ed could do was brace himself.
Thump.
Her whole body moved as the punch wound up and then... A blue surge of electricity engulfed her body. her face froze and her arms went limp. She visibly staggered. Ed's breath caught in his throat. The crossbow fell from his grip. His jaw screamed out in agony as it hung loosely. Skarletta steadied herself. Her foot lashed out in a kick aimed at Ed's side but again the blue surge fired through her body. Her left leg gave way, her kick missed its target and Skarletta fell to her knees.
Groggily Ed drew the sword from its scabbard on his back. He felt like passing out. Or being sick. Or both. But somehow he wrapped his fingers around the hilt with both hands. Skarletta tried to rise but the electrified crossbow bolt released its load again. she spasmed violently, her arms flailing. Summoning all his strength Ed raised the sword above his head and swung it in an arc. The blade sliced through the air and struck the back of her neck. It bounced off the bone and the shock of the impact numbed Ed's arms. He yelled out in pain, dropping the blade and falling to the floor. Ed rolled on the floor in agony. His dislocated jaw, the reverberating bones in his hands, wrists and arms, the adrenaline leaving his system, abandoning him to his pain.
"This isn't the time, you cunt!" Tony roared in his mind. Somehow Ed forced himself to stand once again. Skarletta lay writhing on the floor, caught between the repeated shocks from the crossbow bolt and the gaping wound at the back of her neck. Ed stamped down hard on the circuit board strapped to her back, snapping the PCI cards from their housings then picked the sword up once more. Skarletta tried to push herself up onto her hands and knees and as she did he took his final swing. The slow motion effect from the adrenaline had left him. His head still swung groggily side to side as he tried to blink away the sweat and tears threatening to clog his vision. With a roar like no sound to ever leave his mouth Ed shouted.
"This! Isn't! The! Time!"
Moonlight flashed from the sword blade as it swung down once more. This time it sliced between the bones, severing Skarletta's head from her shoulders. It passed clean through and struck the floor. Again it jarred Ed's arms and he lost his grip and fell backwards onto the floor. And he lay there. Breathing heavily. Gazing up at the night sky and wondering if it was all too late...

-------------------------------------------

(not the end yet :P)

Bitemarks 5.5

*yawns sleepily* Oh man. Dunno how the boss has got the cheek to make me work all Easter weekend and then decide he wants another week off on top of that.
Where were we?

Bitemarks 5.5

"Are you sure about this?" Ed asked as the chopper flew toward Keflavik airport. "I mean, there's no turning back from this..."
"What other option do we have, Ed?" said Alf, "The army's involved whether we like it or not. They already have reason to suspect the existence of an organisation like ours and they know enough about the Mother to know she's not human. Ideally I'd like to keep our existence classified among only the top brass but..."
Ed knew what Alf was thinking. They'd discussed nothing else during the chopper flight. Skarletta had broken into the radar complex for one purpose and one purpose alone. She was doing what any pilot who no longer had a craft would do. She was going to call for help. The long term implications of that were staggering and it would be irresponsible if not disastrous for them to try keep it a secret were she successful.
"I just hope we're not too late." said Ed.
"She's still inside the radar hub by all accounts." said Alf, "I have no idea how she plans on sending her message but our scientists assure me she can't do a thing from inside that building. Regardless what futuristic device she's building she'll have to use it outside. That's our only shot."
"What if the army boys do something stupid?"
"They know it's pointless firing on her but they'd probably try it anyway. I've already managed to convince General Tober that a missile strike is out of the question. All that would do would create enough chaos for her to disappear again. I'd be willing to bet she'd survive a blast."
The chopper began to descend and Ed gripped his modified crossbow nervously. He'd been scared before. He thought back to his fight with Dennis in werewolf form and how he'd feared death at his hands but this was worse. It wasn't just the fact that Skarletta might kill him, it was the fact that she might not. Ever since seeing her spaceship Ed had been thinking about what lay beyond. A whole race of her kind with technology beyond the scope of mankind. For all they knew they could be just around the corner, metaphorically, amassing an invasion, or worse, an extermination force. But there was something else he couldn't put his finger on. Some final piece of the puzzle that didn't yet fit.
The chopper touched down and he and Alf clambered out into the scowling face of General Tober. He was a stern, square-headed man in his fifties with the heavyset body of an ex boxer. He looked at Ed, his eyes bulging as he took in the blond mohawk, the bizarre crossbow and the replica sword from the film 'Highlander' that Alf had managed to borrow from a private investor. A replica sure, but as deadly as the real thing, custom built by Crisp & Sons at a cost of over £6000.
"Are you shitting me?" growled Tober.
Alf offered a handshake that went ignored but introduced himself nonetheless.
"We spoke on the phone General Tober. I'm Alf, this is Ed, from the Paranormal Investigation Bureau."
Tober seemed unimpressed.
"So the rumours of a vigilante operation were true all this time..."
"Not entirely vigilante." Alf corrected him, "We were formed by Royal edict a long long time ago. But we can discuss our legal status some other time. Right now we have the pressing matter of..."
"A vampire." said Tober, cynically. "Or is it a goddamn alien?"
"Strictly speaking... both."
"Immune to bullets, missiles, fire, disease? And your boy here kitted out like we're in the Dark Ages?"
"I understand your scepticism, General but we have had more dealings with this creature than you. My 'boy' here has already faced this alien twice."
"Then why the goddamn fuck is she still alive? You want me to put my faith in you gentlemen? I'm already evacuating this airport and the surrounding area. If you can't kill this thing I have a missile strike just awaiting my order."
Alf put a reassuring hand on Ed's shoulder.
"I have every faith..."
"SIR!"
A soldier appeared in front of them, threw a hasty salute and addressed the general.
"Sir, the vampire has left the radar building sir."
Before the General could issue a single command Ed was off running as fast as he could toward the radar dome.

Bitemarks 5.4

Bitemarks 5.4

Ed walked into one of the Bureau's communications monitoring stations. Alf was wearing one of the headsets and tapping at a keyboard.
"What's going on?" Ed asked. Alf didn't reply but one of the other staff answered for him.
"Seems like our vampire is in Iceland."
"The food store?"
"No, the country." said Alf, removing the headset. "Shit, this is really bad news." He stood up and paced for a while. Ed eventually broke the silence.
"What's going on?" he asked again.
"Some news desk in Iceland just got hold of amateur footage from a reporter who was off duty at Keflavik airport." He punched a few buttons at the terminal and the shaky phone camera footage came up. It clearly showed Skarletta smashing through the window at Keflavik, throttling a woman at the help desk and then opening fire on the security guards.
"Holy... shit..." said Ed.
"I know and it gets worse. We were still monitoring the military comms after they picked you up. They're on this already. They've contacted Iceland saying the vampire is a criminal they're after for crimes against the British military. They're assembling a commando unit as we speak."
"Christ... but she had guns. I mean... she already took out two lots of soldiers armed with rifles at the Arctic base with her bare hands!"
"She's up to something. All this in public?" said Alf. "Something about that radar site."
"They won't be able to stop her." said Ed, "Is that crossbow ready?"
"Yeah it's ready. But what can I do Ed? If I just send you in... To them you're just another hostile."
"We have to do something. Right now we're the only ones capable of stopping whatever she's doing."
"Then I guess there's only one thing we can do..." Alf put the headset back on, "Someone patch me in to the General in charge of that unit."


-------------------------------------------


Skarletta dragged one of the dead cops into the bunker and then slammed and bolted the door shut behind her. It was dark but that didn't bother her. She fed a little on the dead cop until her bullet wounds were fully healed and then adjusted her pupils to make the most of what light there was. There was still some computer equipment here and she lugged her array of towers over to it. She tried starting up the main computer terminal but there was no power. She cursed and looked around. There were three more doors and she tried all three until she found the one that led downstairs to where the backup generator lay. It wasn't a complicated mechanism. Hopefully it would provide enough power for what she needed to do. She started it up and returned upstairs. The main terminal had come online and she keyed in an adjustment to the dish's angle. That done she opened her PC towers and began putting components together.

If Jesus returned...

Would he be a young girl? What if Boxxy... was Jesus? I'll link to the Boxxy vids at the end for those who live in a cave and have no idea who she is/was. But let me present my theory.

A long time ago a man existed. A man named Jesus. Whether you identify this man as the son of an almighty being or simply as a prophet is irrelevant. Jesus did some amazing things. Jesus said some amazing things. He inspired millions of people to follow him and millions more to hate him. And when he died, he said he would return.

Fast forward to our modern age around 2007/2008 when a video appeared, made by a young girl. For a whole year, no one took any notice except for maybe the friend the video was made for until one day, 27th December 2008, someone posted a link to the video on www.i-am-bored.com. A curious date, considering this piece of information regarding a visitation from Jesus.

"On December 27, probably 1673, the feast of St. John, Margaret Mary reported that Jesus permitted her, as He had formerly allowed St. Gertrude, to rest her head upon His Heart, and then disclosed to her the wonders of His love, telling her that He desired to make them known to all mankind and to diffuse the treasures of His goodness, and that He had chosen her for this work."

From here the video finally made its journey to the heartland of the internet, 4chan's /b/ board and the Boxxy phenomenon exploded. Her ADHD ticcing, unusual voice patterns and bizarre heavily eyelinered cuteness captured the minds of Anonymous. To some she was the epitome of virtue, a being of pure innocence, joy and goodness. They crowned her their Queen and some still claim to hear her voice in their dreams. Nothing she said made sense and yet to those followers, it made perfect sense. Like Jesus before her Boxxy had captured their hearts. Her words enthralled them and enraged others. Her very existence caused the biggest civil war the Digital Age has ever seen. The mighty united force of Anonymous was fractured by her presence. Two more Boxxy videos were found and this schism grew until, on January 10th 2009 the fighting reached breaking point. The Boxxy haters, fed up of endless threads about the new Queen attacked their own website, their haven, their sanctuary, bringing it crashing offline for nearly four hours. With nothing more than a handful of nonsensical words Boxxy had brought down one of the internet's most popular websites inhabited by the all powerful Anonymous. Anonymous has a reputation of being able to find anything, anyone, anywhere and a full scale search to find Boxxy was launched. It's now April 6th 2010 and Boxxy still hasn't been found. No more videos ever came. But Anonymous does not forget. People on both sides still search and Boxxy's followers still fervently believe that one day our Queen will return. The war still rages on in her name. Just the mention of the word Boxxy on /b/ causes an instant rush of "Awwwww" and "Fuuuuu!".

To my mind, this is exactly the kind of reaction I would expect if Jesus were to return. A sudden appearance and disappearance. Instant love or hate caused by nothing more than a speech. And a war. An ongoing legacy. And the neverending hope in his followers that one day he would return.

Is Boxxy just a girl? Out there somewhere, getting on with her life, somehow avoiding every attempt to find her?
Or did we bear witness to the seemingly impossible? The resurrection of a prophet? The visitation of a soul reincarnated in a completely different body?

We may never know. All we can say for sure is that she was Boxxy. Our Queen. And live in hope that one day, she may return.

Did you miss the whole Boxxy thing? Left confused as to what could have caused all this? The war has had casualties and Boxxy's videos have been removed from Youtube twice due to 'copyright claims'. But they will always return.

The original video.


The second. Where she actually mentions 4chan.


The third. Where she claims not to have ADD. And spawns the images of "You's trollin'", "I am Boxxy you see!" and "I c what u did thar." She mentions the rising attention from 4chan and her disappearance from Gaia. What was it she wouldn't tell us because it would ruin the mystique? And then she vanished...


Bye Boxxy. :'(

And the obligatory remix.


Feel the love. I'm going to go cry somewhere like a sad emo. ¬¬

Back. To add in one more comment based on the remix.
"All over the place, like I am right now."
Omniprescence. Boxxy is everywhere and she loves you all without compromise. Look into her eyes as she says it. And believe!

Bitemarks 5.3

Can you smell the end approaching? :)

Bitemarks 5.3

As she ran Skarletta stuffed one pistol into her waistband so as to free up her right hand. She could fire just as well with her left. It was a squat, rectangular construction and like most airport terminals was designed with large amounts of glass in place of walls. Even at this time of night she could see it was bustling. This was going to be fun.
She brought up the pistol and fired two shots at the glass and then threw herself at it. It shattered under the impact, weakened by her bullet placement and Skarletta crashed though into the terminal itself. As she'd expected the congregated public instantly resorted to panic at her arrival rapidly turning the scene into one of pure chaos. She barged her way through screaming members of the public to the nearest desk and grabbed the woman behind by the throat. She forced the Thrall upon her.
"Mechanic." Skarletta growled. "Where?"
The woman pointed, choking under Skarletta's grip.
"That way. Fourth door on the right."
Skarletta dropped the woman and fired off a shot from the gun at an overly brave security guard that had caught her eye then took off the way she'd been directed. She counted the doors. One, two, three, four! She kicked it clean off its hinges. Inside, oblivious to the chaos, were various workers relaxing. One was wearing blue overalls and grubby enough to be what she sought. She placed him in the Thrall.
"I need tools." she told him. "Blowtorch, soldering iron, screwdrivers."
He offered no resistance, trapped as he was under her mental control. Skarletta let him lead her out of the room and off through the terminal. Most of the general public had begun fleeing in one mass exodus out of the terminal and here and there what remained of the terminal's security took up defensive positions, keeping her in their sights. They were using radios and Skarletta guessed they were calling in local authorities. Good. That was the plan.
She let her captive mechanic lead her to an equipment locker. Satisfied it held everything she wanted she fed on the unlucky mechanic and then stuffed a bunch of equipment into a handy toolbag. She should just have time to make it back to where she left the computer towers...

A few of the security officers opened fire on her as she made her way back through the terminal to the smashed window. She ignored them, using the last three shots from her gun to panic them enough that they took cover. She took a few bullets but the fresh blood from the mechanic was enough to keep her going, full speed, back through the terminal window and back to the IADS control centre. The sound of approaching sirens could be heard as she squatted inside the doorway of the building. She used some of the wires to tie the PC towers together. The timing on this was going to have to be smooth. She took the radio she'd picked up earlier and activated it.
"Radar hub two!" she shouted into it and then slung her towers onto her back and sprinted for radar hub one. Stupid humans. She ran, knowing they'd almost all head for radar hub two. As the other radar hub came into view she saw that they hadn't put all their eggs into one basket after all. Two police officers, both with high powered rifles were watching this hub just in case. They noticed her just after she noticed them but it would already be too late. She'd slid her package of pc towers from her back and with all her strength tossed it high into the air ahead of her. She pulled the second gun from her waistband as the two officers knelt and opened fire. As the assault weapons' bullets struck her torso she fired two shots at one officer and two at the second. Her aim was flawless and the automatic fire stopped. Without breaking stride she jumped, catching the falling package in both arms and landing on her knees, cradling the delicate equipment. She regained her footing and checked the two officers. Both were dead from shots to the head. Satisfied, she kicked in the door to radar hub one and deposited her package and equipment inside. She took one assault rifle from one officer and tossed that through the door two. Then she took the remaining one, squatted in the doorway and pulled out the radio again.
"Radar hub one!" she yelled. Then she brought up the rifle, stared down its sights and waited.
Humans had a curious tactic of escalation faced with such problems, she noted. Security called first for the police. And when she killed those they'd bring in light military. And after that, the heavy guns. But with each escalation they'd grow more cautious. Once she took out this police unit it would be a while before the military assaulted the bunker, long enough for her to get to work.

Epitaph

Finally Easter weekend is over. Thank God.
Bitemarks will resume tomorrow.
In the meantime... I wrote my own epitaph!

Epitaph

When I'm gone what will I leave behind
But sparkling fragments of a diamond mind
Time-worn bones and a fossilized tear
And the silent echo of my voice to hear

Now see my breath drift past the moon
On the coldest winter night
Here lieth Charon
The ghost who loved to write

© Charon 2010

Woooooaaaaahhhhh GEEK OUT!

Last year was a pretty crap year for film if I may say so. Not saying I watched them all or anything but there was very little to really excite me, to get my geeky juices flowing. Roll in 2010 and suddenly, BAM, an explosion of tasty geek treats. Allow me to give you a run through of my most anticipated for 2010. In no particular order.

1. Legion.
I know it's out already but I haven't seen it so it still counts. The trailer was just so good that this *has* to rock. If it doesn't, I will be sorely disappointed.

2. The A-Team.
This will either be amazing, or an utter disaster. There can be no middle ground. The trailers just aren't convincing me yet. For these very good reasons:
I - Multiple errors in the opening voice over. For example, they escaped from a maximum security STOCKADE not facility. And they survive as soldiers of FORTUNE not soldiers for hire. This to me, doesn't bode well. It suggests too much of a willingness to deviate and worse still, the stupid hollywood blockbuster style voiceover does not fit this famous line! Don't believe me, judge for yourself.

The original intro from the show.



And the new trailer.



Which brings me on to point 2
II - Where's the goddamn theme tune?! Are you shitting me? The theme *made* this show awesome. It's legendary. Iconic even. That was barely a a few seconds of the opening bar and it sounded slow as hell. Surely they didn't... oh wait... what's this I hear sneaking its way into trailer number 2?



Only a snippet, but it's there. BA whistling more of it than we've actually heard played. Is it a promising hint that the full theme will be played over the opening credits? Or simply a minor nod? It had damn well better be the former and with as much power as they can muster.

III - Not enough bling on BA Baracus. Fans of the show will remember BA actually fine tuned the suspension on the infamous van because the weight of his chains made it wonky, hence Murdoch having so much trouble driving it that time. :P

IV - No sign of them making improvised weapons out of cardboard tubes and superglue. :(

I reserve judgement but let me say this. Back when the superhero franchises were wearing thin (X3, Spiderman 3 et al) I said they should do Iron Man because it would be awesome. They did and it was. And after that, I said the next big superhero movie should be Captain America. Guess what got announced recently? Captain America. With two successful predictions under my belt let me suggest this. If the A Team movie is a success I hereby predict a new Knight Rider movie. Watch this space. :)

3. Tron: Legacy.
WOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! GEEK OUT!!
Tron: Legacy. Fucking TRON! :D Oh man. Have you seen the light cycles? :D And Jeff Bridges... This is gonna be badass. Sadly I can't show you. Because it's Disney. And they won't allow people to embed Youtube vids. FUCKERS! Well guess what. I ain't going to the cinema to see this. You won't play fair Disney, neither will I. Selfish corporate bastards.

4. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
Usually videogame films are crap. Sorry but they are. No matter how hard they try it ends up being rubbish. Even DOOM, which I liked, I have to admit, was piss-poor. Final Fantasy, sucked balls. Resident Evil made me weep, and not in a good way. Time for a checklist...

I - Main character looks like the main character? CHECK!
II - Familiarity? Are the amazing acrobatic moves in there that made the game so much fun? CHECK!
III - Plot. Roughly in keeping with the game? CHECK!
IV - The dagger can rewind time right? CHECK!

Oh man. They did it right? Amazing! Check out the trail... oh yeah. It's Disney. Fuck's sake Disney! Yet another one I won't be going to the cinema to see. I think I'll make this my new rule. You don't allow me to embed the trailer, I'm not giving you a penny.

5. Kick-Ass
I don't even know what to say. Again, I can't show the trailer (new rule guys, fuck you) but I really suggest you head on over to Youtube and look it up. Because, you know, the world kinda needs a film like this. All the films mentioned above (And Iron Man 2) have me excited but this one is something else entirely.

Ah ok, so the official trailer isn't embeddable. Thank God for people breaking the rules. ;)
Enjoy.

Well now you mention it...

I was bored. Really bored. So bored in fact that I read Private Eye and the latest issue of Wired already. And then I went poking about on the internet looking for everything and nothing in particular. I even took a look through the blogger settings and noticed a 'new' editor. New? Crap, when did I last even look in the settings? Why wasn't I informed? Does it work? Because the text looks a little... weird. Guess we'll find out soon. The important part is that it's supposed to fix the problem we had back in Bitemarks chapter 4 where it posted on the day I began the draft rather than the actual day I published it to the world (that's you Ches). :P

Oh and then I noticed something else. I've been on Blogger over a year now and have made 200 posts! Well, this is post 201. In fact, that probably averages at a post every other day (sure doesn't feel like it sometimes huh?). I'm so glad I can't actually pull up statistics for how many of those posts were read. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

Earlier today I was thinking about Kurt Cobain (topic change seatbelt on? I hope so). Well, I was more trying to think *like* Kurt Cobain, in the hope I might be able to squeeze out a poem that embodies the sort of meaningless meaningfullness of 'Come As You Are'. I guess I'm just eager to find a way to spin metaphors that are a tad more abstract than my usual fare. Which is tricky, when your mind is logical and literal and overthinks every tiny detail. But it's doing things like trying to think like Kurt Cobain that eventually pushes my brain into the overdrive mode that spits out things like 'Cold Rainbows'.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, I was thinking about Kurt Cobain and how, you know, he killed himself, pretty much at the height of his fame (or three years after the peak if you think that way). An interesting move. Because it makes me think beyond it. What would he be like if he was still around? Would Nirvana still exist? Would they be long serving rock legends? Or washed up has-beens?
And then I was thinking about JK Rowling and her sudden explosion as one of the world's best known children's authors. Once she's finished with Harry Potter, what then? Early retirement? Snuggled up in front of her magnificent fireplace (which she has in my mind)? Or will she take up the pen again and try to do better? How would she top Harry Potter? How would Kurt top Nevermind? Where do you go when you've stood at the dizzying heights of perfection, casting your gaze downwards at the pitiful mewlings of your once-peers vying to climb up your bootstraps?
Fuck, lost my train of thought again.
Something about... moving on, yeah. See, I generally try not to think so much about what I have written (because Cold Rainbows and Song for the Girl were so good it gives me JK Rowling syndrome) but more about what's coming next. Because I always want everything to be at least mildly better than what came before. Otherwise what's the point? I guess that's the advantage of still being at the 'permasuck' stage. There's always better to strive for. I'd hate to become the overnight superstar like JK or Kurt. I'd hate to think I'd hit any sort of pinnacle or peak. I'd hate to have a specific piece of my work become so legendary that I could never best it. And yet... that's exactly what the net result would be if I continued to get better every time (optimistically speaking). Maybe trying too hard is what ultimately makes you the victim of your own success. And maybe, just maybe, that's why I prefer to put off the more ambitious projects. Like a novel, for example. There are plenty of authors my age or younger who've already written books and they're supposed to take like four years to write. So I'm nearly a decade behind anyone who would, I guess, be considered my 'peers' depending on your definition of that. And I haven't even begun one yet!
In short, I'd rather labour under the presumption that I'll slowly get better than already be as good as I'm gonna get even if it means sacrificing long term endeavours toward lasting infamy.

That was my primary musing for the day, in between bouts of poking around the net and listening to Nirvana. Some might call that a pretty lax day (I *did* write the next Bitemarks though, look!). I consider it highly productive. Thinking is one of those pastimes that people seem to largely forgo these days. Dwelling over one's achievements and prospects or even just enjoying thoughts and musings. People should spend more time thinking (and perhaps, faced with the risk of JK syndrome, a little less time doing, lest you achieve the perfection you strive for).

Your homework for today (or tomorrow, whatever). Go do some thinking.

Bitemarks 5.2

Bitemarks 5.2

Dodging the unremarkable security patrol at Keflavik Airport proved an easy task for Skarletta and she soon found the building she was looking for. At one time it would have been the bustling hub of the Iceland Air Defence System; the control centre for the radar blanket watching over the country. Now it was a building abandoned by people, containing only the monitoring equipment as it awaited relocation to a new home. It was this equipment Skarletta wanted but this building itself was inconvenient to her needs. She needed the equipment closer to one of the radar sites to avoid being disconnected from afar and on top of that this building was too difficult for her to defend by herself. She would have to break in and move the equipment to the other end of the airfield where one of the huge radar dishes sat atop an old bunker. Of course, she couldn't have these trigger happy guards shooting at her valuable equipment as she moved it.
She peered through one of the grimy windows and saw a dull red light. Excellent. She gripped the door handle and tore it free of its housing, letting the door swing open, then stepped inside and waved her hands in front of one of the motion sensors. It tripped and an alarm began to sound out across the airfield. Skarletta took her position just inside the door and waited.

The sound of footsteps running was her signal and as they came she readied herself for the coming combat. It would be quick, clean and luckily for her enemies, unfortunately painless. The first security guard was perhaps the luckiest, not seeing what was coming as he ran through the door. Skarletta gripped the back of his head as he entered, using his own momentum and her own strength to propel him forward into the wall, crushing his skull beneath her palm as she followed through. In one fluid movement she spun around him as his body fell, snatching the pistol from his hand and pointing it through the open doorway. She fired once at each target she saw, striking a clean headshot on each unlucky guard. One or two were fast enough off the mark to fire but only one bullet struck her passing cleanly through her cheek. Perhaps as she'd expected the guard unit consisted of six members and the gun had enough shots to suit her purposes. With the unit disposed of she took two more guns, making sure to choose the guards who hadn't fired. These human weapons were remarkably effective and she found herself at least moderately impressed with the resulting efficiency. She grabbed hold of the first guard she'd killed and unclipped his radio from his belt. Not yet...
She took his flashlight too and made her way into the complex under its light. There wasn't time to be fussy over what equipment she selected. She spotted a huddle of PC towers and took three cases to one side. She slid the sides off and tore out the components and motherboards then quickly made her way around the room, cherry picking components and stuffing them into the tower cases. Once she had everything she thought she'd need she took a fourth intact PC tower and a bundle of wires and moved them over near the broken door. She heard footsteps and correctly presumed the second unit was arriving to investigate what was going on. She didn't wait for them this time. She burst from the door in one huge leap, rolled as she landed and came up on one knee as to make herself a smaller target. She brought up the pistols and opened fire. Six more widows. Six more children without a father. She chuckled evilly as she discarded the pistols and retrieved two more. Child's play, she thought as she ran at full speed to the main airport terminal.