Bitesize 2.6

Just to save anyone correcting me... Onigawa is made up. I know Oni is demon but I don't know the Japanese for mirror so I made it up. Sue me. :P

Bitesize 2.6

Ed picked up his car from the radar station and drove out to his Dad's place in Kelford. He swung by a pizza place on the way there and got enough food for two. Valentina's car was still in the driveway and Ed rapped at the door. He heard her behind the door, peeping through the spyhole no doubt before she opened it.
"Ed." she smiled, "You look tired."
"I feel tired." said Ed, "I just got back from Germany."
"Germany?" she raised an eyebrow but didn't press the matter further.
"Yeah. I was hoping you'd do me a favour actually. I need a little laundry doing, I have to be on the road again tomorrow morning."
"Sure, sure. You dump what you need washing in the hamper in your room."
"Thanks Valentina."
She stood aside has he manoeuvred the pizza boxes past her and made his way upstairs. his Dad's door was open and he pushed it open with his foot and went in.
"Ed!" said his Dad with a grin, "Back so soon?"
"Yup, and I brought pizza." He slid the boxes onto the bed.
"Pizza huh? That's the sign of a man with little time on his hands. They've had you running round?"
"Germany. Long story. Had to drive back."
"Do tell."

As they ate the pizza Ed told his Dad all about Odolf and his past involvement with Aleister Crowley and the sudden escape by car back to England. When he finished his Dad swallowed the last of the pizza he was chewing on,
"Quite the action hero now. Reminds me of my younger days... or an Indiana Jones film. One of the two." He chuckled and then had a brief coughing fit. "The cough's the worst part, gets in the way all the time. Nazi Occultism hmmm. No smoke without fire."
"Yeah but this isn't like the conspiracy theories. They played no real part in this. It was all Crowley's doing."
"If Odolf was telling the truth..."
"You think he could be lying? Why?"
"Who knows Ed. He was in the thick of it. He might have seen more than he's letting on."
"Maybe. But his episode in the car seemed real enough."
"Well I'm sure I don't need to tell you to be careful... So what next?"
"I'm already on something else. Not far from here actually."
Ed produced the newspaper that Alf had given him and waited while his Dad read over the article.
"What do you think?" he asked when his Dad put the paper down.
"Sounds familiar actually. I've a book on a similar subject in the library, 'Onigawa: The mirror dwellers'. You should have a read over it later. It's a book about a series of folk tales from Feudal Japan. There were various stories about demonic faces being seen in mirrors. It still plays a part in modern Japanese horror films today. Korean too. I can't remember if there were any legends from Europe or not."
"But Lady Barrington says she saw Alice's face, not a demon."
"Still, it's a similar topic."
"I'll read over it later." said Ed, "Right now I need a shower and some sleep."

The next morning Ed read over the Onigawa book. It described multiple sightings where people had claimed to have seen either a demon face, or the face of a recently deceased love one in a mirrored surface. It discussed the possibility of truth and also whether or not the sightings could have been caused by trauma and simply have spread through word of mouth and grown as a legend that way. There were also at least two sightings where the viewer had claimed that the demon tried to leave the mirror. One tale said the creature within had reached out as if to pull its victim through with it. Other than that there was little of practical value. Done with his research Ed decided to make a move. His said farewell to his Dad and collected his clean clothes from Valentina and put them in the boot of the car. He had a spare wardrobe at his Dad's so there was no shortage of outfits. Today he'd dressed a little smarter, in black denim jeans, plain white t shirt and a black denim jacket. He'd even swapped his trainers for shoes. Better to look the part for Lady Barrington and it wasn't like he expected to be chasing anything... or being chased by anything. With a farewell to his Dad and a thank you to Valentina he made his way down the drive and set off for Acorn House.

Bitesize 2.5

Bitesize 2.5

As the Senator cruised toward Calais Ed couldn't help but check the rearview mirror constantly, half expecting to see Crowley looming up behind them. He stole a glance at the slumbering form of Odolf on the passenger seat. Had he really seen Crowley? Could the demon inside sense him? Or had years of paranoia taken their toll on him, leaving him delusional? Either way there was no doubting the fact that his fear had been genuine and that was enough reason for Ed to be scared too. The sooner they were back in England the better.

They finally reached Calais and managed to get on a ferry, bribing some of the loaders with the last of Ed's Euros and before long they were rolling off the other end back onto Ed's home soil. They cruised around the car park until Ed spotted Alf flagging him down and pulled up beside an ordinary looking black Vectra. They drove at a normal pace back to Cross Fell and from there Odolf was taken to Epsilon sector where Alf had arranged secure but comfortable living quarters for him. After that he took Ed to one of the briefing rooms in alpha sector.
"I know you probably looking forward to some downtime Ed." said Alf, "But we've got something else we need looking in to. Go home, get some sleep and then we want you here."
He passed Ed a photograph of a large country house.
"Where's this?"
"Acorn House in Twigley. Probably an hour or two from your Dad's place. It's a show house, usually open to the public but it's been closed temporarily."
He handed Ed a newspaper.
"The Twigley Times." he explained, "Local rag, normally nothing of interest but it seems Acorn House has made the front page."
He let Ed read through the article. It told of how Acorn House had been closed to the public after two events. Firstly, the disappearance of one of the cleaning staff, a young girl in her twenties named Alice, prompting the headline 'Through the Looking Glass'." Secondly, the looking glass in question. The house's owner, a Lady Barrington, had claimed to have seen Alice's face appear in a mirror in the house the following night.
"Disappearing maid?" asked Ed, "Won't the place be a crime scene?"
"The police have done with the place. They've dusted for prints, took all the photos they need. For now they've asked Lady Barrington to keep the place closed but the upkeep on these houses is enormous, they rely on the public visits. So we've reimbursed Lady Barrington for her lost trade in return for sending you in to stay for a few nights, see what you can find. She seems open to the idea. She thinks no one believes her about the mirror so when we said we were sending you in to look at that instead of the disappearance she was pretty helpful."
"You think she might be right?"
Alf shrugged.
"Could be hallucinating. Only one way to find out for sure. I told her to expect you within the next twenty four hours."
"And Odolf?"
"He'll be safe in Epsilon for now. His suite is monitored and has an electrical field like Raddick's ready to go at a moment's notice. We've got guards with stun guns in the corridor in case he turns bad. We've also got lookouts at all airports and ports for Crowley and extra base security on the externals. We also contacted Frankfurt about the missing plane. They found the pilot inside, burnt."
"He set the plane on fire?"
"No, not the plane. Just the pilot it seems. They're treating the death as suspicious and they've impounded the plane as evidence."
"Shit..."
Alf nodded.
"It seems Mr Crowley has learnt a few tricks in the years he's been... missing. But we're not without our own... talented people."
"Yeah... Well let's hope he doesn't sniff us out just yet. We could do with finding out just what he's capable of." Ed sighed, "Well, I better get home if I'm heading out to Twigley tomorrow."
He picked up the photo, tucked it into his pocket and left.

And now for something completely different.

Sorry but I'm too tired to do another Bite tonight. The boss is off for three weeks so I'm picking up the extra hours. In the meantime I just wanna point something out that people seem to have missed.

I didn't want to mention Jacko. He died, it's tragic and controversial but the web has enough coverage and tributes already. We reached saturation point within 24 hours. But. Working in a shop, I get bombarded with conversation so I've had plenty of people giving their opinions on the subject and one topic in particular was interesting. His kids. Everyone is quick to point out that although Paris and Prince are probably not his, Blanket supposedly is. And their main body of evidence for this opinion is the similarity between Blanket and his father. Let's look at that for a moment shall we?

Jacko.


Blanket.



Specifically that second image that the papers seem to like. Click it to get the full size bit cos he's kinda cut off. Remarkable resemblance to Jacko's mouth huh?

But. Jacko looks that way due to surgery and maybe Vitiligo. Surely if Blanket was Jackson's he would look more like this?

No? This is simple genetics. Which begs the question... Why in the hell does Blanket resemble Jacko??

Mull that over for a while.

Bitesize 2.4

Bitesize 2.4

Ed sat outside on the doorstep, one hand holding the gun under his jacket and kept watch. The street was pretty empty save for the odd passing car and Ed found himself mulling over what Odolf had told him. Crowley was still alive? Surprising although Ed had no trouble dealing with the possibility. Raddick he knew, was ageless and T Alpha was supposedly centuries old. The Bureau had hoped to one day isolate that part of Raddick's DNA to benefit all mankind, but to think he was actually involved in all of this. If Odolf was right then Raddick wasn't even truly human anymore. But what of these demons Crowley had invoked? Could this prove to be evidence once and for all that there is an afterlife? Or could they be beings from another dimension. Maybe even both. The scope of it hurt his brain and he couldn't concentrate on it for long before his mind started to wander. He wondered how long it would take Crowley to find this house. It raised a lot of questions and Ed didn't have any answers.

The door opened and Odolf came out, clutching a holdall. Ed stood up.
"You ready?" and after the German nodded, "Do you have a car?"
"Yes, why? Didn't you come in one?"
Ed shook his head.
"Let me get the keys."
Odolf disappeared into the house again and emerged a minute later clutching a key ring. He led Ed to the side of the house and opened the garage. Inside was a beaten up Opel Senator.
"I thought you had money?"
Odolf shrugged.
"I walk most places. A friend gave me this for free, said it wasn't worth the scrap."
"Well as long as it will get us to the airport."
The two got into the car and after a couple of stuttering tries Odolf eventually got the engine started. The gearbox was semi-automatic and he slid it straight into drive and eased out onto the road.
"Haven't done this for ages." he said as they cruised along the streets.
Ed pulled out his phone.
"I'll ring ahead, tell the pilot to get the plane ready."
He tapped in the number and waited. The phone rang.
And rang.
And rang.
Ed hung up.
"That's odd."
He dialled again and waited. After five or six rings it was finally answered.
"Hello?"
The voice wasn't that of the pilot. Ed hung up immediately and turned the phone off.
"Shit."
"What?" said Odolf, glancing at him while trying to concentrate on the road.
"Something's wrong." said Ed, biting his lip nervously. "I think the pilot's dead. Someone else answered his phone."
"Maybe he lost it?"
Ed shook his head.
"No. No. That wouldn't happen. Something's happened to him."
"Crowley?"
"I dunno. I can't see the military killing him, but I wouldn't rule it out."
"Crowley might have found me."
"That quickly?"
"Well you did." Odolf retorted.
Ed had to agree with that. Crowley could have been monitoring the military communication channels too somehow.
"Then he must have guessed you'd head to the nearest airport." said Ed, "Turn round."
Odolf took a U-turn and the big old car slid round.
"So we go to another airport? In the opposite direction?"
"No." said Ed. "Head North. He would have thought of that too. For all we know he's already found some of your comrades and has them watching other airports."
"So where do we go?" Odolf was starting to get panicky.
"A ferry." said Ed, "It'll take longer but we don't have much choice. Either Rotterdam or..."
"Calais?" Odolf suggested.
"You know the way?"
"We could head through Belgium."
"Ok, do it." Ed switched his phone back on and dialled Ellen. "ellen, put me through to Alf. It's an emergency."
There was a pause and then,
"Ed? What's going on?"
"Alf, listen. Something's gone wrong. I think the pilot's been killed so me and Odolf are taking a detour. We're getting the ferry in Calais. Can you send someone to pick us up from Dover?"
"How long are you gonna be?"
"How long Odolf?"
"I dunno." said Odolf, "Five, maybe six hours?"
Ed relayed this back to Alf.
"Ok Ed, I'll have a driver waiting for you. I'll look into what happened to your plane."
"I'm gonna need a new phone too Alf. They might be able to trace the call I made to him. I'm gonna ditch this one asap."
"Ok Ed. I'll see you soon."
Ed hung up and turned off the phone. He opened the back and took out the battery.
"Pull over when you see a bin." he told Odolf.

Ed dumped the phone in one bin and the battery in another a few miles away and the pair carried on driving, heading out of Germany and into Belgium. They made one stop in Belgium to fill up the tank on the car and kept right on driving. They were only about 20 miles from the French border, on the A18, when suddenly Odolf screamed. He went rigid, his eyes glazed over, staring straight ahead, shouting "Nein" repeatedly. His hands left the wheel and the car began to veer over to the left. Ed grabbed for the wheel and pulled it, bringing the car back onto the right side of the road. Odolf was still screaming in his ear and his foot was stuck down hard on the accelerator. The car picked up speed and Ed struggled with the wheel, trying to weave between the traffic.
"ODOLF!" he shouted but the German didn't respond.
As he swerved around a slow moving lorry Ed elbowed Odolf in the face as hard as he could. The impact brought him back to his senses and Odolf stepped hard on the brakes. As the car lurched and the tyres squealed Ed twisted the wheel, sliding the car to the side of the road. It slid across the hard shoulder and scraped along the barrier before coming to a stop. Ed let go of the wheel and let out a long breath.
"Fucking hell Odolf. What happened?!"
Odolf took a grip of the wheel again.
"I... I don't know... I think I saw him."
"Crowley?"
"Yes. His face. Those eyes. It was so real. The anger..."
Ed just looked at him. Odolf rested his head on the wheel.
"He knows. I don't know how but he knows I've gone."
"In another few hours it won't matter. He can't catch us up Odolf, not now."
"Can't he?! How do you know?" spat Odolf, "You don't know what he's capable of, neither do I."
A few moments of silence passed.
"You drive." said Odolf finally, sounding wearied.
The two got out and switched seats and Ed got into the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition. The engine struggled but didn't start.
"Shit." said Ed, trying it again. Odolf slumped in the seat beside him.
"He's gonna find us. He's gonna find us and..."
He trailed off, leaving the threat of a fate worse than death lingering. Ed stamped on the accelerator and twisted the key again. The engine almost started, then powered down again.
"Fuck, fuck!" Ed swore. He popped the bonnet and got out and went to look at the engine. He wasn't a mechanic. He didn't know anything about cars. There were no obvious leakages and he slammed the bonnet down again angrily and got back in. He tried the key twice more and the second time the engine finally spluttered into life.
"Oh thank God." he sighed and wrenched the wheel left hard and with a scrape of metal against metal the Senator pulled away from the barrier...

Bitesize 2.3

Ok this was pretty long. I think I'll take a day off tomorrow. Tune in on Saturday night for more.
Bitesize 2.3

Nearly three hours later Ed's plane touched down on the tarmac of Frankfurt airport. From there he had a half hour taxi ride to Wiesbaden. Even with the time difference it was still only mid evening and Ed pondered where best to find Odolf. He had the guy's home address, as well as the location of a café he frequented. Ed figured he'd stand a better chance at Odolf's house and got the taxi to drop him off a couple of streets away. He walked leisurely down the next streets, running through what he was going to say in his mind. If Odolf was about to flee anyway he might not need much convincing.
As he rounded the next corner his luck was in. Right across the street, heading toward the house as well was his target! Thanking pure dumb luck Ed ran across the street to catch up with him. A few paces away he called out.
"Herr Scherer?"
The man whipped around instantly, looking exactly as he did in the photograph. He shouted a sentence at Ed in German. Ed didn't understand the words but he was clearly angry.
"Sorry look. I don't speak German. I'm from England..."
"England?" said Odolf in English this time, a look of genuine surprise on his face, "You're not from the military?"
"No. I'm from a private organisation."
"Did He send you?!" Odolf was angry once more.
"Who?"
Odolf shook his head, the anger leaving him.
"No, no. Of course. You would have attacked me if he had sent you. But first the military, now you. It is only a matter of time. How ironic that time is now the one thing I lack."
"Yeah, about that. You're planning on leaving soon, right?"
"How do you know about all this? How did you know my name?"
"I'm from a private organisation." Ed said again, "We're willing to offer you sanctuary, away from the military, in exchange for your co-operation."
"Away from the military? Ha!" Odolf said scornfully, "Boy, you understand so little of what is going on. It is not the military I run from."
"Then who? Who is He?"
Odolf looked around him.
"It is not safe to talk of such things here. Come."
He hurried toward the house and Ed ran after him. Odolf opened the door, ushered Ed inside, then locked it again behind them. As the key clicked in the lock Ed turned round to face him only to come face to face with a gun barrel. Odolf held a pistol, pointing directly at him. He motioned with the gun.
"Door on the left, the dining room."
Ed did as he was told, opened the door to the dining room and went in. Odolf followed him, the pistol trained on him the whole time.
"Hands up high." said Odolf and with his free hand he pulled a silver cigar shaped object from his pocket. He flicked a switch that seemed to do nothing and then passed the device all around Ed, from his neck, down his torso and arms and the outsides and insides of each leg.
"I'm not armed." said Ed.
"Or bugged either." said Odolf, sounding satisfied. He put the silver object away and lowered the gun. "I had to check. Now that the military have caught up with me, He will only be a few paces behind."
Ed put on his best understanding face.
"So let me help. Tell me what's going on."
"You wouldn't understand."
"I already know that you're not Ottokar Rothstein. You're Odolf Scherer, born around 1912 yet somehow still looking younger than me. I know the military think you know where Odolf is. And I know that you're planning on running. How long have you been running Odolf? You thought coming back to Germany after thirty odd years you'd be safe?"
Odolf put the gun aside and opened the drinks cabinet to one side. He took out two glasses and filled them both with scotch, handing one to Ed.
"Sit down, Englishman."
"Ed. Ed Baxter." said Ed, taking a seat at the dining table. Odolf sat down next to him and took a swig from the glass.
"I thought after thirty years they might have forgotten, but it seems no one did. Everyone still wants poor Odolf."
Ed took a hit from the whisky. It was strong and cheap and numbed his throat.
"All I wanna know is what happened to you. It can't hurt to tell me right? Who's this 'He' you keep mentioning?"
"It's him. He's still alive, I know it. Schwarzen Seele they called him. "The Blackened Soul". I think he revelled in the double S. Such evil."
"Who?"
"One of yours." Odolf said with a wry grin, "Crowley."
"Crowley?"
"Aleister Crowley, boy."
"I don't understand..."
"It was during the war... Hitler was mad with his insatiable lust for power. Determined to win at any cost. Crowley was looking to meet with him you know."
"I remember reading that. He didn't manage it though right? Died a few years after it all ended?"
"Wrong." Odolf shook his head. "Oh he met with Hitler all right. Warped his mind even further, filling his head with fancy ideas about black magic. Left a doppelgänger back in England. Perfect double of himself. So perfect that when he drugged himself to death they still didn't know it wasn't Crowley."
"So he was in Germany during the war?"
Odolf nodded, slugging back the whisky and pouring another. He topped up Ed's glass.
"There was a little village, I forget its name, but I was posted there along with a few other soldiers and a handful of hand picked scientists and occultists. It was all Crowley's doing. He said he could invoke the power of demons into a man. Beings from another realm. There were POWs. Some English, some French, some Albanians, even some Germans, traitors, Jews. Anyone who was expendable was fair game for Crowley's experiments. Most of them died during the rituals, some survived. But for months there was nothing but failure. Hitler got angry, demanded proof of progress from Crowley before he'd send more subjects. I remember him locking himself away for days on end, reading his books, chanting weird languages. And then one day he gathered us all together. Said he'd solved it. There was something different about him. I could see it in his eyes. I believed him, we all did. He got one of the few POWs remaining. An English guy, bald with a goatee beard. He started the ritual with us all there watching. It only took around twenty minutes. More of his weird chanting and spilling of blood and weird symbols. When he got near the end, there was thunder. It came from nowhere, filling the skies and the bald guy... He was chained to the floor but he just stood up."
"He broke through his chains?"
"He didn't break them. They were still on the floor. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but he passed right through the chains, or they passed right through him."
"Raddick!"
"Yeah. That might have been his name." Odolf looked thoughtful as he slugged back the whisky some more, "Raddick. He looked evil after that, but strong. Crowley was raving by that point, saying there wasn't enough time to get a message off to the Führer to send more POWs. The time was now, he said. He wanted all of us. Being there, seeing what had happened to Raddick. It was hard not to want that power. Some of the other guys weren't convinced immediately but then Raddick... He walked up to Crowley and just... walked right through him like he wasn't even there. Crowley said that was just the start of it, whipped the men up into a frenzy promising the glory of being the first of the New Aryans, that it wasn't about anthropology but power. We didn't need much persuading, greedy young fools that we were. We all took part in that same ritual. When it was all over I felt different, we all did. But none of us had the power that Raddick had. Crowley was comatose by that point, speaking in tongues as he rolled around the floor. Hours passed and the thunder still roared out overhead. One of the other soldiers was the first. He suddenly sat bolt upright and roared, not in fear, but a show of strength. A primal powerful roar. He marched right over to the table and cleaved it in two with his bare hands... It was like he was a different man. No. Not a man. Something else. He was wild, destructive. He and Raddick, they looked at one another and then took off. Raddick passed right through the wall and the other guy smashed it through and followed him. The rest of us just sat there, confused. Crowley was unresponsive. He just lay there in his own little world. I tried to rouse him, to ask what was going on, if he'd succeeded with the rest of us. He kept mumbling something about sleeping. As the hours went by it began to dawn upon us that Crowley had failed. We didn't want to be there when Hitler found out. We all swore to each other not to say a word about it and we took off. We ran, went into hiding, escaped the country. Each going his separate way. It never occurred to me that anything was different at first. I was still the same old me. But as the years went by it soon became obvious that I wasn't ageing. Every day I looked the exact same. But you know what the scary part is Ed?"
He looked over at Ed.
"When I sleep... I see things. Blood, chaos, destruction. Carnage. The apocalypse. It's like there's something sleeping inside of me, waiting to come out. You've heard of Sleepers right? People hypnotized to carry out some secret mission when triggered by a key word or sound? And years, even decades later something can set that off by accident and they go on some mad killing spree? That's how I feel. I go to sleep every night fearing that by morning I'll be someone else, someone like Raddick. A killer. A demon."
Odolf dropped his forehead onto the table and sobbed.
"I can't ever escape it. It must be the same for the others. And Crowley... He's still out there somewhere, still looking for us."
Ed didn't know what to say. He reached out and patted the sobbing man on the back.
"We can help you Odolf. Come back with me, to England. We'll keep you away from Crowley. We'll try everything we can to help you."
"And what if it wakes up? What then?"
Ed didn't have a clue and a moment of silence passed between the two.
"Well, you can't keep running for ever." said Ed, "If there is something inside of you... If it wakes up... We could keep you safe."
"You mean imprisoned."
"I mean confined. For your safety and everyone else's. We have a secure facility."
"Secure?" yelled Odolf. "I saw a guy walk clean through a wall."
"Raddick?" Ed couldn't help but smile. "We have Raddick."
The shock was plain to see on Odolf's face.
"But how?"
Ed shrugged.
"Something to do with electricity. But if we can keep him out of harm's way, perhaps we can do the same for you."
Odolf finished the last of the whisky in his glass.
"Fine. But we leave now. I just need to pack a few things."
"Now?"
"I was planning on leaving in the morning anyway. Crowley's a madman. The worst kind, a powerful madman. He's possessed. Who knows what he can do? I can't stay here waiting for him to show up."
Odolf stood up and passed him the gun.
"Wait for me outside, make sure the coast is clear."
Ed took the gun.
"Ok. Don't be long. I have a plane waiting at Frankfurt airport, just in case we get split up."
Odolf nodded and made his way upstairs. Ed watched him go, downed the last of his scotch and then made for the door.

Bitesize 2.2

Bitesize 2.2

Ed stayed the night at his Dad's place, putting all thoughts of the Bureau from his mind until the following morning. When he finally did check his email from his Dad's computer he found a surprising message. It was from the Bureau, that was certain. All it said was 'come in'. That usually meant something serious, though clearly not urgent. Ed hadn't been called in for nearly four years, field agents like him rarely were. His talents were out there, dealing with the day to day rather than sitting at a computer terminal or fiddling with test tubes. Even his psychological studies left him sub-par compared to the Bureau's experts. But for whatever reason, they wanted him now.

After breakfast Ed left his Dad and drove out to the Pennines, heading for Cross Fell. It was the highest peak of what passed for a mountain range in England, really more a series of large hills, and it housed a magnificent secret. It took around an hour and a half to get to the village of Knock and from here there was a private road that led up to Great Dun Fell, another summit. There was a radar station up there used by air traffic control and Ed parked nearby. This wasn't the only route up to the Fell but was Ed's preferred choice. From the radar station is was only a brief jog along the ridge to Cross Fell. Atop Cross Fell was a mountain rescue station, little more than a small shack and this was Ed's destination. He knocked at the door to the shack and an athletic looking man opened it.
"What's the problem there fella?"
"Ed Baxter. 6694."
The man nodded knowingly and let Ed into the shack. Inside was various mountaineering equipment, a large desk, computer terminal and a filing cabinet. A second man lounged in a chair, awaiting an actual mountain rescue mission. There was another door at the rear of the cabin. The man slid himself into the chair by the terminal and tapped in Ed's name and number.
"Ok, you can go through Mr Baxter."
Ed walked past him and opened the door leading into the rear. Beyond was a small room, barely large enough to hold the guard stood by the door to an elevator. The guard was armed with an assault rifle. There were two lights by his head, one red and one green. The green one was lit, informing him that Ed was entering with permission. He pushed the button on the elevator without a word and its doors slid open. Ed gave him a nod and went in. He remembered his first visit here as the elevator began to descend into the mountain, how shocked he'd been to find that there was an entire underground complex beneath the surface. This entrance was only for occasional visits but was the only entrance Ed knew. There was supposedly another bigger entrance at ground level for deliveries and employees although most of them lived onsite.
There was a ding and the elevator came to a stop, the doors opening to reveal another room. Six armed guards lined the walls, watching Ed's every move. He passed them all to the electronic door at the far end and pressed his thumb against a flat panel beside it. The mechanism registered his thumbprint and the doors slid open noiselessly. Beyond was a long corridor and a second door with a retina scan. Ed passed this too and moved beyond into the heart of the complex. It was a large circular chamber with four halls branching off, one that Ed had come through, one opposite and one to each side. Around the walls were large windows and beyond, teams of people sitting at computer terminals with headsets on, monitoring radio traffic, emergency services, military and domestic, the internet, satellite data. In the centre was a large circular reception desk with two women sat behind, a bank of computer terminals each. Ed strolled up to the desk.
"Ed Baxter, 6694. I got called in?"
The assistant tapped away at her keyboard.
"Baxter, yes. Alf's expecting you. I'll page him immediately. Make your way to briefing room four in alpha sector."
"Thanks."
Ed headed towards the left corridor that lead to the alpha sector. The complex was split into five sectors in total. Alpha sector was the more mundane area. A serious of briefing rooms and a few larger ones for group meetings. It also housed a cafeteria and a library of paranormal literature and filing rooms and offices and a heap of other stuff Ed had no clue about. Beta sector was research and development, housing various laboratories and scientific literature. Gamma sector was equipment and also housed the access tunnels to the monitoring terminals. Below this was another level that housed the final two sectors. Delta sector was the living quarters of the on site personnel and finally Epsilon sector which contained the holding cells that imprisoned people such as Raddick.

He found briefing room four and sat and waited for Alf. He didn't have long to wait before the door opened and Alf strode in, a black folder under one arm. He'd aged since Ed had last seen him. The hair was fully grey now, not just the temples, but he still wore the same black rimmed glasses. He tossed the folder onto the table and took a seat opposite Ed.
"Well well Ed. Still alive after your T-alpha encounter?"
"Just about." said Ed, "What's going on?"
"We're sending you on a little field trip Ed."
Ed's eyebrow raised.
"Where exactly?"
"Germany Ed. Ever been to Germany?"
"No."
"Lovely place really, but that's neither here nor there." He opened the folder and pulled out two pictures and pushed them towards Ed. Ed looked at the pictures. One was colour, one black and white. As far as he could tell they both showed the same man.
"What's this?"
"The black and white photo is a picture of Odolf Scherer, circa 1938. Twenty six years old. The colour photo supposedly shows Ottokar Rothstein, taken just last week in Wiesbaden in Hesse. He would appear around twenty six years old too."
"Direct relation?"
"Not quite. We have reason to believe that these men are one and the same."
"What reason?"
"Ottokar has a considerable sum of wealth for someone his age. He's also had three visits in the past month from a high ranking German military officer. The German forces are taking quite an interest in him it seems. A little bit more research shows that he inherited his wealth directly from Odolf Scherer. Odolf was in the military too, back in World War II. There's a record of his death in 1960, claiming cardiac failure. His assets were held in a private Swiss account with instructions to release them to Ottokar in 1990."
"So he died and left his money to someone who wasn't even born?"
"So it would seem. We think Ottokar is Odolf. That he faked his own death and went into hiding for thirty years only to re-emerge and take control of his fortune once again. From the intelligence we've intercepted it seems the German military have their suspicions about this too. They think Odolf is still alive somewhere and that Ottokar knows where. They want to find Odolf and bring him in, prosecute for his part in... well... we don't know for sure. Some unspecified war crime."
"And where do I fit into this?"
"We want you to go out and see Ottokar. Find out what you can from him before he decides to disappear again. He transferred half his money out of his account two days ago and we don't know where it went. He's planning to run away again. We want to know why."
Ed mulled all this over.
"What if he doesn't tell me anything?"
Alf shrugged.
"We know he won't speak to the Germans. But a secret like this, it eats away at you Ed. Get under his skin straight away. Tell him you know he's Odolf. Find out whatever you can. Whichever way you think is best."
"You think he wants to talk, just not to the Germans?"
Alf nodded.
"I'd bet on it. Offer him sanctuary if you want. Tell him we'll house him safely here, away from everyone in exchange for information regarding his condition."
"We'll hide him if we can experiment on him?"
"That's a crass way to state it Ed, but yes. If he is Odolf then he hasn't aged a day in over fifty years. For him it's a chance to stop running, for us a chance to find out his secret of preservation."
"If he's already moving his money he's planning on disappearing soon. When do I leave?"
"I can have a plane ready in an hour."
Ed nodded.
"Ok, let's see what's going on."

Bitesize 2.1

Bitesize 2.1

Ed had just left the house and was about to unlock his car when he heard a shout.
"Oy! Fuckface!"
He knew that voice and its familiar profanity. Tony. Lead guitarist for Poleaxe. He turned to see Tony grinning at him a few paces away.
"Fuck me man. I ain't seen you in ages. Still living in this shithole?"
Ed shrugged.
"How's things Tone?"
"Fucking sweet as actually mate. We got a new album coming out this summer. Themed around Lucifer's fall from Heaven. Gonna call it 'When Angels Bleed'. That daft cunt Derek wanted to call it 'Rhyme and Punishment'." He shook his head and laughed as though that was hilarious.
Ed nodded in mock agreement.
"Anyway, no time to dick about." Tony went on, his usual relentless monologue, "Gotta go pick up a guitar. Some dude down Galvaston Ave has a Fender signed by Barry Bryant! Fuck yeah!" He made an air guitar gesture. "Gonna take that bitch on tour for the album release. Hey, tell you what. I'll post you a copy of the album and a couple of tickets for the Leeds gig. Backstage VIP motherfucker. Bongs and bitches." He winked at Ed.
"Yeah, that'd be cool Tone. Thanks." said Ed.
"No probs geezer." said Tony, already moving away. He pointed a finger at Ed as he retreated, "Don't be a stranger, you cunt. Laters." And off he went.
Ed got into the car and started it up. Tony might have a runaway mouth but he was a decent guy. He'd go to that gig, he decided, catch up with the guys. Would be nice to let his hair down like the old days. Tony had said two tickets though. Who the hell was he gonna find to take along? He shrugged and pulled away from the curb.

Not being a pursuit driver like Kamran it took Ed the usual fifty minutes to get out to Dad's place in Kelford. There was another car in the drive, an old Megane belonging to Valentina, his Dad's carer. She was an elderly Spanish lady who knew when to stay out of the way. Ed didn't think she was employed by the Bureau but then you never could be too sure. They had a few companies they owned and operated independently so in a way, there were a lot of people who worked for them without ever knowing it.
He parked next to the Megane and tried the front door. It was unlocked and he slipped in. They key was in the back and he figured it had been left open in anticipation of his arrival. He locked it, left the key in and went down the hall and up the grand staircase to his Dad's room. He knocked lightly at the door. There were a few coughs, then his Dad's croaky voice.
"Come in."
He pushed the door open and went in. His Dad was in bed as usual, still connected up to his drip. Ed went over.
"How're you feeling?"
"Like I'm being eaten alive by my own body." his Dad joked, "And you? I heard you took down a werewolf."
"Yeah." Ed said, trying to suppress a grin, "Looks like T alpha is still out there after all. Musta been keeping his head down for a couple of years."
"He'll slip up sooner or later." said his Dad, "He can't hide forever. Things have come a long way since he was spawned."
"He's managed it till now. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was a Bureau employee."
"Could be, could be. Well, at least I'm ruled out." Ed's Dad laughed then broke out into a fresh coughing fit.
It pained Ed to see his Dad so weak. Living with this disease for so long was already a miracle. Three years ago the doctors had given him months left to live. Somehow he still clung on.
"Oh don't look at me like that." groaned his Dad, "I don't need the pity. I've lived a much more interesting life than people twice my age. Go get the chessboard and then you can tell me all about your lupine encounter."
Ed smiled.
"Been practicing I bet, while I'm out getting half eaten."
He fetched his Dad's chessboard and set it up on the bedside table.

Bitesize 1.8

I'm soooo tired...

Bitesize 1.8

Ed had listened, gobsmacked as his dad had explained that he never worked in an office. Never traded stock or filed accounts. Instead he worked as a field agent for the Paranormal Investigation Bureau since before Ed was born.
"So what? Stuff like this is commonplace, is that what you're telling me? People walking through walls is a regular day at work for you?"
Ed's Dad shook his head.
"Not exactly, no. Raddick is quite possibly unique. But there are many other anomalies that we investigate and cover up where necessary."
"But he walked through a goddamn wall. How is that even possible?"
"We don't know Ed. That's one reason why Raddick spends his days in a secure cell at the Bureau. For research into his condition."
"And the other reason?"
"He's a killer. He undergoes psychological treatment to see if he can learn how to come to terms with the consequences of his actions."
"How do you even keep a guy like that in a cell? What did he do, just walk out the wall and escape?"
"He can't pass through an electrical field Ed. The collar works the same way, encircling his neck and preventing him doing whatever it is that he does."
"So..." Ed's confusion just kept on growing. "How did he escape?"
"Something knocked out the electrical systems at the bureau." said Alf, "An EMP we think. Killed everything. We only just got the basics back online when your father called us."
"And how'd you know he'd come here?" asked Ed.
"Because it was me that caught him." said Ed's dad. "It was in Newcastle, you were about twelve at the time. There'd been murders and the police suspected a serial killer. For a long time there were no witnesses until one day, maybe he got sloppy. Someone said how they'd seen him go through a wall but the police disregarded the testimony as unreliable."
"But not us." said Alf. "We put your Dad on his trail and a couple of weeks later he caught him. We've had him at the Bureau ever since."
"Where is this Bureau?"
Alf looked over to Ed's Dad who simply nodded.
"Well." said Alf, "Perhaps you'd like to see it sometime? I'm sure your Dad could give you the tour. Maybe you'd be open to a career with us Ed?"
Ed sat back down.
"So it's a recruitment drive now?"
"I don't see why not." said Alf. "You've already seen Raddick. You handled it pretty well."
"And what if I don't?"
"At least think it over." said Ed's Dad. "If not, they'd just make you forget."
"Forget?"
"You'd be surprised what medical advantages have come of the Bureau's research Ed. And other technologies too. I'll show you around. See what you think and if not... It's just a pill. It'll be like tonight never happened."
Ed paced up and down for a few minutes, under the watchful eyes of Alf and his Dad. What he'd seen tonight, what he'd heard from his Dad. It was a lot to take in. It was all so... unbelievable. He looked over at the prone form of Raddick. He'd seen it with his own eyes, twice. The guy had walked right through the wall. What else was there? What more did he not know? Deep down he wanted to be part of this. He wanted to see what his Dad had seen all these years. Curiosity burned in his chest. He didn't want to go back now. Didn't want to return to being just another drone, working some dead end job to scrape together enough money to get drunk at a gig at the weekend. He wanted excitement. He stood back up and looked Alf in the eye.
"I wanna see the Bureau."
Alf broke into a welcoming smile.
"I thought you might. I could see it in your eyes when you saw Raddick."
Kamran came over and patted him on the back.
"You'll enjoy being part of this." he said. "I couldn't turn back either once I knew. Momentous signs have come to you from your Lord. He that sees them shall himself have much to gain, but he who is blind to them shall lose much."
Ed raised an eyebrow.
"A quote?"
"From the Qur’an. When God shows you something Ed, it would be foolish to deny its existence."
Ed nodded.
"Yeah."


The dream ended there as Ed came round, sprawled out on his bed with a headache. He'd forgotten Kamran's words until now. Ed didn't believe in a God, but he was always fascinated by how Kamran had managed to mix his work in the paranormal with his religion. He truly thought that his God had chosen him for this work. That he was seeing signs of divine manipulation. Maybe he was right. If there was a God, Ed thought, then he saw no reason why it couldn't be Allah. The quotes Kamran delivered so often made sense, seemed relevant even, far more than the Bible ever did.
He groaned out loud. It was too early for this shit. He needed a shower and some breakfast. Then he'd go see his Dad.

Stupid money.

Is piracy now this big a problem?
(click for full size image)

Bitesize 1.7

Bitesize 1.7

Ed dreamt again that night. Maybe it was because his previous dream had been interrupted unfinished or maybe it was the half bottle of spiced rum swirling through his system but he found himself back in that night once again.

He'd called his Dad the moment he got home told him what he'd seen. When he mentioned how the attacker had seemingly disappeared through solid brick there was a long silence.
"You still there, Dad?"
"Yes. I'm here. Are you sure that's what you saw?"
"Believe me. There was nowhere he could have gone."
"I believe you Ed. Listen. I'm gonna call a couple of friends of mine, have them bring you here."
"No need Dad. I'm fine, really. I'll drive over and see you tomorrow."
"It has to be now Ed. I'll explain when you get here. You can trust these guys, I work with them."
"At the office?"
"Kinda. They'll be with you soon ok?"
He hung up at that point, leaving Ed feeling very confused. it was one thing for his Dad to worry about his safety, but why the rush? Maybe he wasn't feeling too good. Ed's Dad had developed a wasting disease two years ago and was bed-ridden. He could still get a round but his mobility was really poor. He had a full time carer at the house but Ed still spent as much time as he could spare looking after him, keeping his morale up. They needed each other.

A short while later there was a knock at the door. It was like the police knock, all business. He opened the door to find two men waiting for him. The knocker was an older gent, maybe a little over fifty. His hair was dark but grayed at the temples and he wore old style black rimmed glasses with thick lenses. Just behind him was a large guy, Indian Ed thought, or maybe Bangladeshi. He wore Kurta paijama. Ed was familiar with the garments from a Muslim he'd known at university.
"Ed Baxter?" asked the grey haired gent, rhetorically. "I'm Alf Bennington. This is Kamran. We're friends of your father." He motioned with his head, "We have a car."
Ed followed them in silence. He could certainly see Alf working in the office with his father. He looked the kind of man who worked long hours from home sorting the accounts for a stock trading company, but Kamran? He didn't look the type. they reached the car and Kamran got in the driver's side, Alf in the passenger seat. ed climbed into the back.
"Buckle up please Ed." said Alf, "We'll be driving quite fast. Please refrain from panicking. I assure you, Kamran is an expert driver."
ed had jsut about clipped in his seatbelt when Kamran hit the gas. They took off in a squeal of rubber and pelted down the road. Ed gripped the handle of the door tightly.
"Jesus! We can get there in one piece. It's only an hour away."
"We may not have an hour." said Alf. "Don't worry. Kamran was trained as a pursuit driver. We're quite safe."
"A pursuit driver? Why would... Wait, we may not an hour? What's wrong? Is Dad ok?"
"Your father is fine Ed. We're just in a bit of a hurry. This trip is quite time sensitive."
Kamran took a left turn in a powerslide and Ed gripped the handle even tighter as he slid slightly along the seat.
"Yeah, shit, whatever." he said, watching Kamran. The big guy never took his gaze from the road, didn't even move his head. just weaved in and out of the traffic with the precision of someone who was more than familiar with this kind of thing.
"What if we get pulled over?"
"This car has been modified. It can outpace any police vehicle."
"They send choppers out for this kind of thing you know."
"Ed, just relax. You're in safe hands."

The rest of the journey passed in silence and a little over thirty minutes later they pulled into the driveway of Ed's father's house. It wasn't a mansion, but it was a large and secluded country house, paid for by his father's long hours of toil at the office. Kamran slid the car into the driveway and pulled up right at the front door. The three got out of the car and Alf opened the door to the house and led them in. There was an entry hall that opened out into a large room, dominated by the double staircases that ran down either side. They went up to the landing and on to another hall to the left. At the end of the hall a set of double doors on the right marked Ed's father's room. Alf pushed open the doors and the three men went in.

Ed's father lay in his large four poster bed. A drip was set up at the side of bed, feeding him painkillers at the push of a button. He nodded wearily at Ed.
"What's going on dad?" asked Ed, going over to the bed. "This is some seriously messed up shit going on. Why'd you have these guys race me here?"
Ed's Dad shook his head and Alf stepped in.
"There isn't time right now." He reached inside his jacket and pulled out two guns. He tossed one to Kamran and together they turned to face the door they'd come through, holding the weapons, ready to fire.
"What the fuck!" Ed swore.
"Ed." said his father. "The man you saw. His name is Raddick. He's... he's coming here we think."
"We know." said Alf, "Two more reported dead. I called everyone else in. They're safe while they're moving. The only one who couldn't be evacuated was your father."
"Evacuated?" Ed was starting to get annoyed at the deception. "So what the fuck's going on? That guy's coming here? Why? What the fuck are you gonna do? Shoot him?"
"You can't shoot someone like Raddick with a normal gun." said his father.
"A normal gun? What the hell Dad?"
"This weapon fires a high voltage shot of electricity Ed. Now sit down and shut up." said Alf. His tone was clear, his instruction to be obeyed. Ed gave in. He sat down in the chair at the side of the bed and cradled his head in his hands. No one spoke a word. For a half hour there was just silence, Alf and Kamran facing the door with their weapons, not shifting their stance. And then it happened. As if from nowhere a man appeared in front of the wall near the door. Alf and Kamran fired simultaneously, multiple shots. the shock on the man's face was evident, as was the pain as the 'bullets' slammed into him, spreading out into a blue electrical charge that seemed to fire around his body and then he dropped to the floor motionless. There was no blood, no wound. Alf was on the man in a flash. He pulled a collar from his jacket and fitted it to the man's neck. Ed stood up.
"Ok, seriously. I wanna know what the fuck's going on. Now."

Awesome moments in film #1

Don't let this distract you from Bitesize 1.6 down there. But anyway, as a side thing I wanted to discuss a few awesome moments in film with you, perhaps even generating some discussion, who knows? :P
Yeah crap preamble, so fuck it. Let's dive in.

Dogma.

Yeah Dogma is a pretty badass film. Most awesome moment by far is the final appearance of God, amply protrayed by Alanis Morissette. As she stands there with Alan Rickman, unable to speak as her voice could destroy the world, she giggles and up walks Jay.
Jay: "What the fuck's going on. Who the fuck's this bitch? What the fuck happened to that guy's head?!"
'God' leans over and plants a kiss on his cheek actually making him shut the fuck up.

Awesome stuff. That's one of Jay's best rants in the entire 'Askewniverse' and God turning out to be Alanis Morissette is a work of genius. :P

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Yeah so it's crap, but it does have an awesome moment. You know what I'm talking about. The appearance of The Childcatcher. Now that's some top class acting. Guaranteed to scar your children for life.
"Lollipops!" >_<
Shit.

Yeah that's it. Not as fascinating as I'd thought now I read it back but I'll hit publish instead of delete just to see what you've all got to say on the subject.

Bitesize 1.6

Bitesize 1.6

Ed swung by an all night garage to grab bacon and bread before heading home. He filled the tank on the car too, planning to go visit his dad the next day. He finally pulled up outside his house a little before 5 a.m. He made his way inside, noting the window once again. Maybe he could spraypaint the other letters out too, for now? He made bacon sandwiches, then peeled off the kevlar vest. The wolf's claws had completely ruined it, tearing right through, probably millimetres from his skin. He stuffed it inside a bin bag and left it by the door then took his sandwiches upstairs. He checked his email while he eat them and surfed a few paranormal discussion forums for anything of interest. One of them had an article on a big cat sighting in Lincolnshire. The article wasn't written particularly well and Ed put it down to someone local who'd picked it up on the grapevine. At least Gary had stuck to his story. Nothing else caught his eye. He logged on a poker site and gambled away a couple of hundred pounds playing hold 'em for a couple of hours. The money didn't bother him. The Bureau paid well, well enough that he didn't have to worry about what went out. There was more coming in than he could spend and he wasn't one for unnecessary luxury or opulence.
He had one last hand at the poker and won thirty back then quit. He shut the computer down and flicked the stereo on. He shuffled through its digital library and found some suitably fast metal and then slid himself behind his drumkit on the other side of the room. He hadn't played professionally in years but he still enjoyed the practice. He drummed along with the music as fast as he could, the concentration helping to relax his mind and stop it dwelling on the night's events. He played until his wrists hurt and his ankles ached. When he'd had enough he put the sticks down and went for a shower. Nothing like the drums for relaxing him. He wondered as he soaped himself what the other field agents did to wind down. What did Katia do? Probably something extreme like skydiving or snowboarding down the Alps. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to take up something more physical. A martial art perhaps. He'd sure felt less than adequate dealing with that werewolf. He shuddered to think what T-alpha himself must be like. Bigger, stronger, faster. Lethal. Close combat training was starting to sound more appealing by the second.

Twenty minutes later he was back upstairs. It was mid-afternoon already. He opened the cupboard on his bedside cabinet and pulled out a half bottle of spiced rum and poured himself a generous double. He lit up a cigarette and turned the computer back on. His email inbox was still empty and that was probably a good thing. He still had time to kill so he poured another rum and rummaged through a box of discs under the desk and found a shooting game he enjoyed. He spent the rest of the evening chasing a bunch of international computer nerds around a visually realistic WWII era Europe. The drink spoiled his aim, rapidly earning the nickname Bulletmagnet. A few hours later he finally gave in to the alcohol and the tiredness and called it a night.

Bitesize 1.5

Bitesize 1.5

As darkness slowly crept over the fields like a nighttime blanket Ed flicked on the thermal goggles and took a good look at his surroundings. Here and there small red blobs indicated animals wandering around, completely oblivious as to what was to come. Not so much lambs to the slaughter as slaughter to the lambs. His perch on the pylon was uncomfortable and twice he had to shuffle around to wake up his sleeping legs. The minutes felt like hours and he had to force himself not to look at his watch for fear of making it drag even more.
And so Ed waited...
And waited...
It was a little after half twelve when Ed finally spotted something. A red dot on the horizon rapidly growing bigger and bigger. It was here, its image growing larger by the second. Shit it was fast! He watched it streak across the field then suddenly change tack. It was coming his way! A sudden shot of adrenaline blasted through his system as he realised it had smelt him. All essence of surprise had gone and Ed flicked the goggles to nightvision. He half climbed, half fell from the pylon and as he hit the floor he saw it coming, charging toward him at a tremendous pace. It was like seeing a truck bearing down on you and realising there was no stopping it. He raised the gun and took two shots, missing with them both and barely had time to dive to his right as it barrelled past. He hit the floor and rolled, regaining his footing and looked up, right into the face of the werewolf. He hadn't been prepared for this, hadn't realised it would move so quick. Its right arm was raised, its claws shredding the air as they swung for his guts. They dug deep into the Kevlar vest, tearing four parallel gashes across it and sending Ed reeling backwards. His foot caught a clump of earth and he fell backwards heavily. His head thudded against the ground and for a second the goggles flared white from the impact and in that second, Ed's whole life flashed before his eyes.

His first day at school, stood alone in the playground watching his mum retreating with an endless wave. Falling off his first bike. Having his dad explain to him how his mum had been killed in a car crash when he was ten. Finally coming to terms with it when he was thirteen. Learning to play the drums. His brief stint in thrash metal band Poleaxe while at university. The night of the stabbing.

The green glow of the NV goggles returned and the wolf was right in his face. Saliva dripped from its jaws as it eyed Ed hungrily. Its right arm came up again and Ed bent his right knee, bringing his foot up and kicking the wolf in the gut. He kicked again, harder and budged it enough that the claws swung past his face, missing by an inch. He brought up the gun and fired twice more, one in the throat, one in the chest and gave it one more kick, shoving with his free arm. The wolf toppled and one final kick sent it flying to his left. Hastily he got back onto his feet and shakily fired one more shot into the creature's torso. The tranq was fast acting and the wolf twitched slightly, its tongue lolling from its mouth. Then its eyes glazed over and it passed out. Ed stood by, breathing heavily as the adrenaline deserted him, leaving the aftermath of fear playing havoc with his nerves. Keeping the gun trained on the comatose werewolf he fished his phone from his jacket pocket and dialled Ellen.
"Ellen, it's Ed. I need a 43 on site."
He hung straight up. A 43 was an immediate evacuation. He wouldn't have to wait long. His legs finally gave way and he sank to his knees, still not taking his aim from the wolf. He regained control of his breathing and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.
He had to wait nearly thirty minutes, which was the time it took the chopper to travel from Cross Fell in the Pennines to where he was but eventually he heard the sound of its rotors cutting through the air. He hadn't thought to bring a flare but the chopper flashed a searchlight as it approached and soon picked him up. He switched off the goggles and took them off. The chopper landed a short distance away to avoid the electricity cables from the pylon and Ed saw a familiar form jogging his way across the field. Katia. He'd bumped into her a few times, at the bureau and while working. She was as tall as he and twice as athletic, dark haired and beautiful. Russian he thought, or Ukrainian or something. He'd never asked but the accent hinted at it. She slowed her pace as she approached, not even slightly out of breath.
"Ed." she smiled, "What you got there? Cute doggie."
"Don't even start." groaned Ed. "Bloody thing almost tore me in half."
She looked at his stomach in the light from the chopper and the shredded remains of the vest. She whistled appreciatively.
"Lucky boy."
"Yeah well don't rub it in. It was my first one."
She looked over at the werewolf.
"How many tranqs did you put in it?"
"Three. How long do they last?"
"An hour maybe, less on a T-alpha I guess."
Ed shot it again.
"That should cover it. Grab a foot."
Between them they hauled the creature over to the waiting chopper and bundled it inside. Ed handed Katia the gun.
"Just in case." he said. She nodded and slid the side door shut and Ed stood back as the chopper took off and tilted back the way it came. What a night. Now he just had the ride home and then a lengthy relaxation session with a bottle of rum and some damn loud music. The wolf was no longer his concern. Katia would take it back to the Bureau where it faced two outcomes. From what he knew the mentally stronger victims could be taught to control their transformation and recruited to the cause. Otherwise... well he didn't know the science behind it, didn't care either. Katia had once likened it to cancer treatment, radiotherapy or somesuch, bombarding the abnormal cells with radiation to reverse the change. Too bad he took musical theory and psychology at university. He shook his head and dusted himself down then stuck the nightvision goggles back on and made his way back to the car.

Bitesize 1.4

Tomorrow will be one of those days where real life intrudes so there won't be an update then.

Bitesize 1.4

It was a little past eight a.m. when Ed pulled into the yard at Dapple Farm. Gary was already up and about and gave him a wave as he headed off into the fields. Ed waved back and parked the car. He checked his watch and set the alarm to wake him up twelve hours later. If there's one thing Ed could do well it was catch up on sleep. He adjusted the backrest on the driver's seat. He'd bought this car for one very good reason and that was that the seat went fully horizontal. He stretched himself out and was asleep five minutes later.

Ed didn't dream often, but today was one of those rare occasions. It was seven years ago but he remembered it clear as day and found himself right back in Leeds again, staggering home from a gig. The band had played a double encore that night and Ed had not only drunk his fill but had also missed his bus home. And so he found himself walking the streets, a yawn escaping him, lost in his thoughts. It was as he passed an alleyway that he noticed something unusual. Two men scuffling in the second hand light from the street. The smaller of the men delivered what looked like a brutal punch to the larger man's gut and as he slumped to the floor it took Ed a few seconds to realise it hadn't been a punch. The guy had been stabbed. but that wasn't the unusual part, at least not completely. What happened next had made Ed question his sanity. The attacker walked toward the wall and simply disappeared from view. At first Ed thought he'd entered the building through a door or had stepped in to an alcove but as he cautiously approached the alleyway he could see that the wall was featureless. No doors, no alcoves, no windows. The victim was motionless and Ed checked for his pulse but found none. Whoever the attacker was he'd wanted this man dead and he'd succeeded. Without thinking, Ed found himself drawing his mobile phone and calling the police. He left an anonymous message, telling them where to come and hung up. There was nothing he could do and the last thing he wanted was to be questioned about this. He'd gone straight home after that, wondering about what he'd seen the whole way. it was as if the guy had walked right into the wall...

He awoke to the sound of his alarm going off and he silenced it. Funny how quick time goes when you're asleep. He stretched out his arms and sat up, wiggling his back. Nothing like a long sleep after a long day but he still had a wait ahead of him. He saw Gary open the door to the farmhouse and head his way and he opened the door.
"S'up Gary?"
"Missus has made you some food. Figured you'd be hungry. I told her you were from wildlife protection."
Ed laughed.
"Yeah sure, why not? I'm certainly hungry. Not much for me to do until it gets dark."
"What are you gonna do? If you see it?"
"Don't worry about it Gary. The less you know about it, the better. Just make sure you stay in the house tonight and chances are, by tomorrow morning I'll be gone."
Gary said nothing more, merely nodded and Ed swung himself out of the car, slammed the door shut and followed him into the house.

Mrs Broughton had served up a full roast dinner and by the time Ed left the farmhouse an hour later he was stuffed. Darkness was beginning to creep in and Ed grabbed his rucksack from the car and put it on then trekked out into the field where he'd seen the footprint. He had a good look around in the fading light. The creature had run off due west and Ed looked that way. The fields were huge and off in the distance, probably ten minutes walk away was a pylon. Ed figured it would provide him a decent vantage point and headed over that way. His estimation was accurate and ten minutes later he stood next to the pylon. He rubbed his palms on his trousers to dry them and then grabbed hold of the metal frame and climbed. He didn't go far up, just high enough to give him a good view of his surroundings, fifteen feet, maybe twenty. He wasn't overly fond of heights. once up there he sat on one of the beams and reached backwards into his rucksack. He pulled out the goggles and slipped them on. It was still light enough to see but it would be dark pretty soon. He also fished out the gun and loaded the clip into it and held it in one hand, gripping the pylon's frame with the other. Now all he had to do was wait...

Bitesize 1.3

Bitesize 1.3

Ed was back in the car just moments later. As he navigated down Dapple Farm's dirt entrance and back onto the country roads he dialled Ellen again on his mobile and waited for the beep confirming the secure line.
"What you got for me Ed?"
"That big cat is a positive lycanthrope sighting. Newly turned from the sounds of it. Any gunshot wounds in the hospital Gary was at?"
He heard her typing away.
"Nope, nothing, Ed."
"It's probably still unaware. The wolf inside it is gonna want to feed again soon and the farm is all it knows so far. It'll probably take hybrid form again tomorrow night or the night after and come back. I'll try and tranq it, see if we can rehabilitate."
"Alright Ed. Stay in touch."
"One more thing Ellen. Gary said it was over six feet."
"Sounds like a T-alpha spawn?"
"Most likely. We'd better keep an eye on the local area."
"I'll put someone on it."
Ed hung up and tapped at the sat nav with his free hand, setting his home address as the destination. He hadn't dealt with a werewolf himself but he'd read the literature and he knew this was a T-alpha spawn. In the past werewolves had been more prolific than the public knew, but with the improvements in technology down the years most of the ones in England could be traced back to one common ancestor dubbed T-alpha. Trouble is that T-alpha was pretty elusive and hadn't been seen for years. This was proof that he was still out there somewhere and that was big news. If T-alpha could be captured then werewolves would soon be a thing of the past. He was the only one left with a pure enough bloodline to spawn more in great number. One less thing for Ed to worry about. He smiled to himself. In less than 24 hours he could be looking at his first real werewolf. It was moments like that that made this job so enjoyable. The little glimpses of phenomena most people would never encounter. But Ed wasn't most people. He was an agent for the Paranormal Investigation Bureau and that wasn't a job you could just apply for. It was the kind of job you inherited, or were recruited for and for Ed it was the former. Following in daddy's footsteps.
"Turn left in three hundred yards." said the satnav, pulling him sharply from his reminiscence. He peered at the road ahead and spotted the turn looming up in the beams of his headlights and turned.


Nearly three hours later he pulled onto Spalding Road in Armley, Leeds. The side of the road was full of cars as usual and he had to park a few doors away from his home. All the houses on this road had been converted from shops that had moved on to bigger and better premises in the mid-nineties and Ed's had been a tailor's, a fact still evident from the large glazed front window bearing the legend "Quality counts!" in gold lettering. Vandals had blacked out the letter 'O' with spraypaint the week before and Ed reminded himself once again that he needed to get the window replaced. He shook his head, stuck his key in the lock and let himself in, swiping his key fob over the alarm system to disable it. The neighbourhood had gone to shit in the last couple of years and security was always at the back of his mind. Not that he couldn't replace anything that was stolen, but more because of what he had stashed here.
He flicked on the lights and made for the kitchen. It was a grubby little place really. He'd always meant to decorate, but who has the time? Besides, he spent more time at his Dad's place in Kelford than he did here. He flicked the kettle on and went upstairs while it boiled. There was an electronic combination lock on the door to the master bedroom and he typed in the code to open it. He might not have decorated, but he did have the walls upstairs knocked through to create one big room back when he'd joined the Bureau. He flicked on the light and looked around at the familiar clutter. It was hard not to feel comfortable here with his huge bed taking up one wall and his shelves upon shelves of paranormal literature taking up another. He tossed his keys on the bed and flicked the stereo on. The whole upper floor was soundproofed so volume wasn't a concern. The stereo picked up where it had left off, halfway through Iced Earth's 'Horror Show' album, fittingly a track entitled 'Wolf'. He smiled at the coincidence and reached under the bed for his rucksack. He dumped it on the duvet and made for a chest of drawers at the foot of the bed. It only had four drawers but Ed flipped a hidden catch at the back and the bottom-most section slid out to reveal a fifth. There was a handgun inside, unloaded and Ed tossed it in the bag. He rummaged around through various ammunition clips until he found one marked with two stripes, one blue, one silver. He tossed that in the bag too along with a pair of goggles offering both thermal and nightvision and then returned the drawer to its hiding place. The wardrobe was his next call and the Kevlar stab-proof vest hung at the back. He took his jacket off, donned the vest and then put it back on. It wasn't really meant for stopping werewolf claws but it was better than nothing. He zipped the bag up and turned the stereo back off. As an afterthought before he left, he opened the drawer on his desk and took out a knife in a leather pouch and strapped it round his waist, positioning the knife to his rear. With that done he headed back downstairs. The kettle had finished its duty and sat steaming near the sink. He took a plastic cup from a pile of them on the sideboard and made a black coffee. He preferred it white but his milk always went sour before he had the chance to use it. He took his rucksack and his coffee and locked the house back up. Back in the car he checked his watch. There was still time for a bite to eat. He would be back at Gary's by morning and could sleep in the car when he got there. He knew a 24 hour service station on the M62 that served something resembling food. Mentally he promised himself a takeaway when this was over.

Bitesize 1.2

So blogger was down when I got home from work last night. Which is precisely the kind of intereference I mentioned the day before. ¬¬ So let us continue with our easily manageable ongoing story. :P If you don't read now, you're gonna get left behind and have to catch up.

Bitesize 1.2

"Must've been a little after midnight." said Gary, "I only got up to go for a piss. I was on my way back to bed when I heard it. One of the sheep, I could tell. Squealing it were, something awful. Making a right racket."
He paused, watching Ed scribble all this down.
"Please, continue." said Ed without looking up, "You don't need to wait for me."
"Well I figured something had got it so I threw on some trousers and my boots and grabbed my shotgun and a torch. I ran out there and heard it again. I just ran for the sound, shining the torch in front of me and then I saw it. Christ. It weren't no fucking cat. It was on its hind legs!"
"Like a bear?" asked Ed.
"Like a human." said Gary, nothing but seriousness in his voice.
"What did it look like?"
"Like some goddamn mutated creature. Covered in hair it was and its head... It was like a dog's, only bigger with massive teeth. It had arms but with massive claws and when the torchlight caught its eyes..." He paused and shivered, "I swear it looked clever. There was blood all over from the sheep and bits of it still falling from its jaws."
"And what happened then?"
"I brought the gun up to shoot it but it was like it knew. It pounced at me as I fired. Got me with its claws. I fell over and the thing ran off."
"On its hind legs?"
"On all fours."
"How tall was it, Gary?"
"I dunno. Taller than me."
Ed stood up.
"I'm six two. Taller than me?"
"About that size, yeah."
Ed sat back down and carried on writing.
"Did you hit it?" he asked.
"I don't know. I didn't see."
"And after it ran away?"
"I came back in and woke up the missus and she drove me to hospital. They bandaged me up and I was back the following evening, right when you guys called."
"We like to keep an eye on things." said Ed, dismissively, "Did you tell your wife or anyone at the hospital what you saw?"
"I'm not crazy. I told 'em it was a big cat. Black like a panther."
"I see. That was wise. I'd recommend sticking with that story, Gary. If the press got hold of it they'd only turn it to scaremongering needlessly. Mind if I see the wound?"
Gary stood up and took off his jumper. A large bandage covered his left side. He peeled it back and winced slightly. Underneath were four shallow furrows through the skin where the beast's claws had raked him. They weren't deep. It must have been a glancing blow at best.
"It didn't bite you at all did it?" asked Ed.
"Nope."
"Ok. Can you show me where all this took place?"


A few minutes later they stood in the field where Gary had seen the creature. Ed was crouched down on the floor examining the dirt while Gary stood by nervously, shining a torch down on him. It hadn't rained since Sunday and the dirt was stained red with sheep's blood. The ground was churned up where Gary had confronted the thing and he found the shell casing from the shotgun. Just a few feet away he found what he was looking for. A footprint, or rather, a clawprint. Five deep claw marks where the creature had dug in to run away. That was all he needed to see. He kicked the soil, scattering the marks away.
"Do you know what it was now?" asked Gary.
"Yes." said Ed, a thoughtful look on his face.
"So what happens now?"
"I'll take care of things Gary." said Ed, standing back up and stretching his back, "I'm gonna drive home, pick up a few things and be back tomorrow afternoon. I won't get in your way. Just carry on as normal. Keep this whole thing to yourself and I'll sort everything out."
"What if it comes back?"
"It won't." Ed patted Gary on the back reassuringly. "This is a rare occurrence but the organisation I work for deals with this kind of situation all the time. Soon it will be like nothing ever happened." He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He thumbed through the contents and pulled out a handful of twenties. "Take this." he said, passing two hundred pounds to Gary. "You never saw the creature, you never saw me. If any reporters come sniffing round. Well, you're trusting me to take care of this and I'm trusting you to tell them nothing. If they offer you more than this, you just let me know."
"You really don't want word of this getting out. What was it, that thing? A government experiment?"
"Just an accident, Gary. Accidents happen. Best we don't scare people with things out of their control. You understand, right?"
Gary nodded and took the money.
"Sure thing Ed. I trust you."
Ed gave him a wink.
"Damn big cats huh?"

Bitesize 1.1

Behold. I bring you a new project. With little inspiration for poetry and not enough time to do any justice to In the Blood I decided I needed a little something to keep me in practice and this is it. Yes folks, you are so lucky. I present to you Project Bitesize, an ongoing story that will be available solely through this very blog. I plan on spending around 30 - 60 minutes per day on this and each part written will be added to the blog immediately. Obviously there are times when work and other real life things will interfere so I am committing to an update every other day and anything more is a bonus. The numbering scheme you see up there indicates that this is bite 1 of the first chapter. I am sure your brains can follow this simple system.
Furthermore! I have no intention of compiling these bitesize chunks into a single format and so, dear readers, I am giving you the most rights ever. You have my permission to copy this story as it progresses and store it electronically on as many computers/discs as you see fit either in its original parts or as one compiled file or by chapters or whatever! You have my permission to print off as many copies of those files as you can afford in ink and paper. You even have my permission to distribute as many copies, either printed or electronically, as the mood takes you with regard only to the four following conditions.
1. That you do so free of charge.
2. That you do so unedited and unaltered (other than compiling).
3. That you acknowledge my good self as the author at all times.
4. That you pass on the above information to anyone you distribute to and that they agree to abide by the same conditions.

How's that for generosity? Well, just one more piece of housekeeping and we can begin.
The following is a work of fiction born entirely of my own imagination. Yadda yadda yadda coincidental and all that rubbish. It's all made up. By me.
I will also point out that although this is set in a modern setting it is not necessarily our little planet. Place names and such can and probably will be made up.

Bitesize 1.1

The sun's light had faded almost entirely behind the endless sea of farmland that formed the horizon and Ed Baxter was lost. He pulled his car over to the side of the road and let the engine run idle while he fiddled with the sat nav.
"Looks like whoever built this thing never actually went to Lincolnshire." he mumbled to no one but himself.
He tapped in the post code that he'd been given again. The machine's screen flashed up a message reading 'searching' for a few seconds and then switched to 'destination reached'. A monotonous female voice repeated this second message and Ed flicked the sat nav off. He sighed and opened the glove compartment, his left hand scrabbling inside for his cigarettes while his right fished his zippo from the pocket of his leather jacket. He managed to find his cigarettes and lit one up, lounging back in his seat to smoke it.
He hated driving at night, especially on these quiet country roads with their hidden bends and deathbringing trees that seemed to leap from the darkness when least expected. Not that he had much choice in the matter. He'd found the email waiting for him first thing this morning. It gave an address and the name of who he was supposed to meet. One Gary Broughton. After that were two lines of information, one reading 'possible big cat sighting', the other, 'claimed evidence: wound'. It had been enough to draw Ed's curiosity. For three years now all his leads had been dead ends. Fakes, misunderstandings, delusions, but this had promise. At worst it was nothing, another wasted journey. At best, a big cat sighting. Not particularly exciting but at least it meant he got to do something other than drive around the country.
He exhaled a long plume of smoke and stubbed out the butt of the cigarette in the ashtray, stuffing the pack into his jacket pocket. His mobile phone was in the well under the handbrake and he picked it up. The phone was probably the most high-tech piece of equipment in the car, custom built, not the kind of thing a member of the public could get their hands on however hard they tried. It had no numbers stored in it and he dialled one from memory. It rang twice and a female voice answered,
"Wothington Catering. Can I take your order?"
"Ellen, it's Ed. Can I get a 27?"
The phone emitted a few clicks and then a beep.
"Line secured Ed, go ahead."
He wasn't ordering takeaway. The catering answer was a front and Ed's words a code that would have the call scrambled so it couldn't be monitored.
"I'm lost." he said, "I'm supposed to be meeting this Broughton guy but the sat nav's giving me nothing. Can you pull me up on the GPS and clue me in on where I'm going?"
"Just a sec."
He could hear her tapping away at a keyboard in the background.
"You're looking for a dirt track on your left. Should be less than a mile from your current."
"Thanks Ellen."
He ended the call and slid the phone back into the well then checked out his reflection in the rearview mirror. His eyes looked tired. He brushed his long black hair back and absently wiped his hand on the thigh of his black combat trousers. Thin and greasy as ever. He hoped Gary Broughton took him seriously. With another needless sigh he eased a foot down on the accelerator and carried on down the road.

Ellen had been right. He spotted the dirt track breaking through the farmland to his left and was glad he'd had the foresight to call in. In this light he would have probably missed it if he didn't know it was there. He followed it until it opened out into a wide yard in front of a rundown looking farmhouse. A wooden sign on his left lit up as his headlights swept over it. Hand painted lettering proclaimed 'Dapple Farm'. This was the place. He killed the engine and grabbed a notebook and pen from the glove compartment then got out. The door to the farmhouse ahead opened as he did so, a man silhouetted with the light from behind him. Ed strode toward him.
"Gary Broughton?" He raised a hand and the man shook it, nodding at him.
"Yeah. That's me."
"Ed Baxter. I believe you're expecting me?"
The man nodded again.
"Come inside, please."
Ed followed him into the house, taking a good look at his surroundings. The interior was in better repair than the outside of the house and Mr Broughton clearly wasn't struggling for cash. He spied an internet hub on a desk just past the door and a telephone with answering machine. The carpet was grubby but the walls were clean and a couple of paintings sat on the walls of the hall though he didn't recognize the artist. One had hunting hounds and a chap on a horse, the other a farmyard scene. Mr Broughton led him into the lounge. A large, well used sofa took up the middle of the room, with matching chairs to each side and a widescreen plasma TV on the wall opposite. In the light he had a closer look at Broughton. He had a sturdy build, partly fat from a hearty appetite and partly muscle from days spent toiling on the farm. His face was weathered and Ed pegged him in his late forties. His eyes seemed honest enough and Ed knew from experience that you could tell a lot from a man's eyes. He motioned toward the sofa with a hand not dirty, but stained with mud and Ed sat down.
"Drink?" he asked, opening the dresser against one wall to reveal a variety of spirits.
"I'd better not." said Ed, eyeing the bottle of rum at the back longingly. "I have to drive back home."
"You're younger than I thought you'd be."
"But sadly not as young as I look." Ed smiled. "You live here alone?" He knew he didn't. The place clearly had a woman's touch.
"Nah. The wife's asleep upstairs. We don't often stay up so late."
"Yeah sorry about that. Had a hard time finding you Mr Broughton."
"Gary, please." He poured himself a scotch and sat on a chair opposite the sofa.
Ed flipped open his notebook.
"So. I have you down as a big cat sighting? Can you tell me exactly what happened?"
"It weren't no cat. That I can tell you."
"From the beginning please Gary. I need to collect as much information as I can."
"It were only two days ago. Sunday night..." he began.

ABCharon

K passed this on. Fitting really as it is alphabetically themed. An ABC of me! And some random bonus questions at the end. Excited? You should be.

A - AVAILABLE: I took myself off the market years ago. Was declared condemned.

A - Age: This bit requires a quick bit of maths... *works it out* Holy crap. I'm 27 already. :S

B - BIRTHDAY: 30th November. Slightly early than my ETA of 25th December. Which was kinda lucky really. Because I'd hate to be a Christmas baby. That would have also made me Capricorn and who wants to be a goat when you can be a badass centaur just by popping out early? :D

B - Bed size: Double. Ummm that's it. I have no witty comments. :S

C - CRUSHING ON: I'm not 14? (leaving K's answer there)

C - Chore you hate: All of them. Cleaning, Ironing, Getting out of bed, Getting dressed, Cooking, Eating, Doing things. Hate it all.

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Red Bull! :P Well, ok, cheap knockoff Red Bull but we know it's all made exactly the same.

D - Dog's name: I have no dog!

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: The non-existent dog.

E - Essential start to your day: Well I suppose waking up is the most essential part. Otherwise I'm with K again. Energy drink, rapidly.

F - FAVORITE SONG: The Wanderer by Elvenking most likely. Although obviously there are day to day variations this one seems consistent.

F - Favorite color: Black.

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Worms! Don't get me wrong, gummy bears are ok, but worms. ^^

G - Gold or Silver: Silver. Gold is overrated and tacky.

H - HOMETOWN: Leeds. It's not a particularly nice place, but then it is in England so what do you expect?

H - Height: 5'6" ish? I dunno, somewhere near that I think.

I - IN LOVE WITH: myself! :P And various other things I come across in my life. Like science, technology, music, a small handful of ladies I admire from afar. :P (Dammit, why didn't I think to just put 'your mum!'.)

I - Instrument: The pen. :P I hope one day to become a virtuoso.

J - JUGGLE: Jiggle, niggle, nipple. :P No I can't juggle.

J - Job title: Retail Monkey / Ninja Poet / Wordsmith

K - KILLED SOMEONE: In my head and video games, yes, by the thousands. In real life, no, not yet. Mainly due to laziness.

K - Kids: Hate them. Noisy annoying things. So disrespectful these days too.

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: No idea. Three or four hours?

L - Living arrangements: Currently playing mum to my little brother at my parents' house, which saves me a ton of rent. :D Sure beats house-sharing with randoms in Manchester. Only downside is that every so often I have to put up with my parents visiting. :P

M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate. It may as well be the only milkshake flavour. Anyone who chooses strawberry is bland and anyone who chooses banana is just weird.

M - Must do before I die: Oh allsorts of things that I'll never actually get round to. Too many to list.

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: One brother, one sister, both younger.

N - Nicknames: None really. I've had some in the past but they weren't fantastic. I think I'm with Demetri Martin on this one. "Cinnamon buns. That's an example of something I would buy, and also have as a nickname. Are you Cinammon Buns? Bet your sweet ass I am."

O - ONE WISH: If I tell you it won't come true, will it?

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth of child: None that I'm aware of. Can't stand hospitals. Think I'd rather die in freedom. ¬¬

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Pizza takeaway. ^^

P - Pet Peeve: Stupidity. Especially stupidity in the face of facts to the contrary.

Q- QUICKIES: What now?

Q - Quotes you like: Oooh the Pratchett one K used is a classic. I love allsorts of quotes, too many to choose just one. I like a lot of comedy quotes. There was a great one from Dr Cox in Scrubs (who reminds me of a male version of K) that went something like "Newbie, if the next words out of your mouth aren't 'goodbye Dr Cox' then the following words will be 'Ow my crotch! My Crotch! I can't believe you punched me in my crotch!'"

R- REASON TO SMILE: Because it makes people wonder what you're up to.

R - Right or left handed: Right handed. Left people hold pens weirdly thus proving how unnatural left-handedness is.

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Destruction - No Need To Justify

S - Side of bed you sleep on: The side that faces upwards.

T - Time you wake up: If I'm working early 4:50am. If I'm working late or not working at all 11:30am.

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 11:30am. ^^

U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: Red. :S

V - VEGETABLE(S): Are for lesser animals. Like rodents.

V - Vegetable you dislike: Yeah parsnips. Seriously what the fuck are parsnips about?

W - WORST HABIT: Nail biting?

W - Ways you run late: I rarely run late. Punctuality is important.

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Ankle. Once. Xrays suck.

Y – YOYOS ARE: Kitsch. I remember them being in fashion briefly when I was at school. They soon get boring though.

Y - Yummy food you make: I fail at cooking. Completely.

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Technically Ophiuchus, Sagittarius otherwise.

Z - Zoo favorite: Zoos are lame.

Random Questions About You:

Spell your name without vowels: Chrn

Your favorite number: 3

What color do you wear most?: Black.

Least favorite color?: Red.

What are you listening to?: Overkill - Fear His Name.

Are you happy with your life right now?: *shrug* Could be worse. Could be stabbed.

What was (is) your favorite class in school?: English, obviously.

Favorite pair of shoes?: Shoes are shoes.

THE CANS:

Can you dance?: No and thus, I don't.

Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: Nope. No one can. It's a lie.

Can you whistle? Not particularly. I can produce a whistling sound but that's not exactly the same thing.

Write with both hands?: No. My left hand is pretty useless. I've tried for ages to learn to use my left but it just doesn't work. So I have to settle for being badass with my right. I can for example, write upside-down, back to front and both upside-down and back to front, with relative ease.

Cross your eyes?: Yes. Pretty easy that one.

Walk with your toes curled?: Probably. Can't be bothered trying.

THE DO'S:

Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Of some description yes. I find it hard to accept that if there are a near infinite number of planets that only one has life, millions of species of life, on just one of those infinite planets... unlikely.

Do you believe in miracles?: Depends on the definition of miracle. Probably not. I consider a miracle to be truly miraculous and thus, unlikely to ever happen.

Do you believe in magic?: Definition based again, but yes, where magic is the subtle manipulation of energy to produce a result that otherwise might not have occurred.

Love at first sight?: Hmmm, maybe. I think love is generally something that grows. Perhaps the spark of love at first sight.

Do you believe in Santa?: Well no, obviously. :S

Do you like roller coasters?: No. They are stupid.

Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: No. my gag reflex is pitifully weak.

THE HAVES:

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yup.

Have you ever been asked out by someone?: Nope.

Have you ever been to the ocean?: No actually. A few seas but not either of the oceans.

Have you ever painted your nails?: Nope.

THE WHATS:

What is the temperature outside?: Coldish.

What radio station do you listen to: I don't really. I liked Rock Radio when they launched but they don't cover my current area.

What was the last restaurant you ate at? No idea. I despise eating in public.

What was the last thing you bought?: A sandwich I think. :S

What was the last thing on TV you watched?: That Mitchell and Webb Look. Last night.

THE WHOS:

Who was the last person you IM'd?: That's for me to know. ;)

Who was the last person you took a picture of: God knows. I don't take many photos.

Who was the last person you said I love You to : Not telling.

CRYING SECTION.

Ever really cried your heart out?: Nope.

Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yup.

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Nope.

Ever cried over the opposite sex? : Nope.

Do you cry when you get an injury?: No I'm more a swearer. I cry a stream of expletives. :P

Do certain songs make you cry?: Nope.

HAPPY SECTION.

Are you a happy person?: I suppose so, sometimes.

What can make you happy?: If I knew that I'd probably be more happy.

Do you wish you were happier? *shrug*

Can music make you happy?: Temporarily.

LOVE SECTION.

How many times have you had your heart broken?: No idea. I don't keep count.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: Yup.

LOOK AT ME.

What is your current hair color?: Absent.

Current piercings?: Nope.

Have any tattoos?: Nope.

Eye color?: No idea.

CURRENTLY WEARING.
What shirt are you wearing?: A black one.

Pants: Black trousers (it's a work day)

Shoes? Black.

Necklaces?: Nope.

IN A BOY/GIRL.

Favorite eye color: No preference.

Short or long hair: No preference.

Height: No preference.

Best clothing: No preference.

HAVE YOU EVER...

Been to jail: Only when playing Monopoly.

Mooned someone: Nope.

Ran away from home: Nope.

Laughed so hard you cried: Yup.

Cried in school: Nope.

Thrown up in a store: Nope.

Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: Hmmm. No, don't think so.

Seen a dead body: Nope.

Been bitched out: Nope?

Gone skinny dipping: Nope.

THIS OR THAT.

Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Although if you mix Pepsi and Coke you can produce Poke which has all sorts of mysterious powers.

McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's. Burger King sucks.

Single or Group Dates: Que?

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

Strawberries or Blueberries: Blueberries. Strawberries are so overrated.

Meat or Veggies: MEAT!

TV or Movies: No preference.

Guitar or Drums: Drums.

Adidas or Nike: Reebok.

Chinese or Mexican: Neither.

Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Cheerios.

Cake or Pie: Pie. Everyone knows the cake is a lie.

MTV or VH1: Neither.

There you go. Done. Now I gotta get to work. Byes.

Oh hai, still here?

Wondering where I got to? Well with a combination of being quite ill and working I allocated my remaining free time towards playing Assassin's Creed. It's bloody good so those of you with a decent PC or a decent 7th gen console (ie not the Wii) should check it out.

Anywho. I was feeling a little less dead today so I ripped my new Hammerfall album and gave it a listen and played with my new zippo and went browsing and while I was on last.fm I came across this idea. It's 50 questions about the top 50 bands on my last.fm page. Maybe it'll be interesting, maybe it won't, but I figured it will amuse me for a bit if nothing else. You may wish to visit my last.fm page to see the top 50 list as it stands which you can do here.
http://www.last.fm/user/Charonicus

So, 50 about my top 50.

1. How did you get into no.29?
Fort Minor, weirdly enough the guy I stole this off had them in the same place. O_O Anyway, Fort Minor was recommended to me by other Linkin Park and Fort Minor fans on last.fm and by the site's in-built recommendation feature too. As I was already familiar with Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park I figured it would be worth a listen. Took me forever to get round to it but when I did I was gobsmacked by Mike's lyrical genius. The track 'Kenji' will bring a lump to anyone's throat.

2. What's the first song you ever heard by no.22?
At number 22 is my namesake Charon! :D First song I heard by them? I think it was 'Every Failure' which still remains one of my favourite Charon songs. They are a bit emo though to be fair. So bear that in mind before you go complaining. :P

3. What's your favourite lyric by no.33?
Hmm Seven Witches, not the greatest choice for this question. They aren't noted for their lyrical wizadry. I guess it would probably be the laughably funny start to their Buffy themed song "Sunnydale High" which opens with the line "I'm gonna take the Slayer out!" :D

4. How did you get into no.49?
Angra. Hmmm. A Dutch guy sent me Angels and Demons. From there I checked out Nova Era, Speed and their cover of Wuthering Heights and I was sold. Bought the Nova Era album which is definitely one of their better ones.

5. How many albums by no.13 do you own?
Muse. I haven't bought any of their albums on disc yet but they're on the wishlist. Digitally I have Origin of Symmetry, Absolution, Showbiz, and Black Holes and Revelations.

6. What is your favorite song by no.50?
Drowning Pool. Tricky because the whole Sinner album is wonderful. I think Sermon is awesome just for the backmasking at the end. Told You So has the most energy I think. And Tearing Away is a great one to sing along to. So one of those three. Toss a three sided coin or something.

7. Is there a song by no.39 that makes you sad?
39 is Dark Moor. I don't think they have any sad songs, certainly none I've heard so that's a big fat no.

8. What is your favorite song by no.15?
Moonspell. So many good ones. I really can't choose between Luna, From Lowering Skies and Everything Invaded. All three are awesome for their own reasons.

9. What is your favorite song by no.5?
Iced Earth. This tends to fluctuate depending on mood. For a long time I woulda said Watching Over Me or Dracula. But in terms of sheer complexity and brilliance it has to be the 16 minute magnus opus that is Dante's Inferno.

10. Is there a song by no.6 that makes you happy?
Anthrax. Well I find a lot of their stuff uplifting. Think About an End is a great singalong one so that can't help but raise my spirits and Startin' Up a Posse is just hilarious.

11. What is the worst song by no.40?
Turisas. Well, I never understood why everyone else likes Regi Rexi Rebllis so much. :S I didn't think much to it.

12. What is your favorite song by no.10?
Nightwish. Well, with the old vocalist it has to be Dark Chest of Wonders. With the new vocalist, Bye Bye Beautiful.

13. What is a good memory you have involving no.30?
System of a Down. Me and Ollie used to listen to them loads in uni. Was pretty much the soundtrack to our Wipeout Fusion games. That's about it. ¬¬

14. What is your favorite song by no.38?
Dio. :D Lots of good ones to choose from but I really like The Man Who Would Be King... or One More for the Road. I suck at choosing favourites.

15. Is there a song by no.19 that makes you happy?
Technically number 19 is Firewind. They're joint with Slayer but listed second to that's how I'm settling this. Song that makes me happy? Well I like Warrior. It was one of the first Firewind tunes I heard and has a wonderful fantasy feel to it. Also liking their cover of Maniac from Flashdance. Hard not to feel happy with a high energy tune like that.

16. Is there a song by no.25 that makes you sad?
DragonForce. Nope. All pretty upbeat songs.

17. What is the first song you ever heard by 23?
Kamelot. First song I heard by them was Karma. Someone submitted it to the RPGN Sound Test which is a collaborative music project I participate in. Really liked it on first listen and just went on from there.

18. What's your favorite lyric by no.11?
Well it's Elvenking and by now everyone should know which song by them I love. That's right, The Wanderer.
"A slight call afar is tempting me
Like a whisper sweet or an awful scream
I cannot ignore what I've always been
I am leaving again - one last time?
In my little kingdom I can be what I really
Wanted to be - The wanderer"

19. Who is a favorite member of no.1?
Aha! By pure luck Skyclad are number one giving me free reign to once again point out that Martin Walkyier is the greatest poet/lyricist EVER! Seriously, if you still haven't heard a Skyclad song then you are missing out. So yeah, the guy who I wish I could write like, Martin Walkyier.

20. Is there a song by no.14 that makes you happy?
Manowar. Well they're all pretty upbeat. I like Army of the Immortals for the sentiment and also Thor (The Powerhead) for the wonderful drums.

21. What is a good memory involving no.27?
Powergod. Hmmm no memories spring to mind. Sucks I guess. Can't win 'em all.

22. What is your favorite song by no.16?
See, this one is Eminem, why can't I swap this with the last one? Now I have to pick one song by Eminem to be my favourite. :( I think it might be Criminal just because it's damn funny and wonderfully crafted, just like all his songs.

23. What is the first song you ever heard by no.47?
Bloody hell. This is actually quite a long list of questions now I get into it. :S First song by Avantasia. Well as a concept album I listened to the whole thing in track order first time so it was the mundanely titled "Prelude". Disregarding that the next real track would have been Reach Out For the Light.

24. What is your favorite album by no.18?
Slayer (although hey are kinda tied with Firewind and have swapped places since I invented my system earlier to choose between them). Probably Seasons in the Abyss or Reign in Blood.

25. What is your favorite song by no.21?
Demons and Wizards. Easy. Crimson King. Blisteringly fast, drumtastic ear pwnage!

26. What is the first song you ever heard by no.26?
Hammerfall. It was the song Blood Bound which I got hold of from a CD that came free with Metal Hammer magazine. ^^ It was enough to make me a fan.

27. What is your favorite album by no.3?
Linkin Park. They've done a lot of good stuff but it probably has to be the first album, Hybrid Theory. As a complete work it is much better than the other two even though there are newer tracks that I would count as my favourites.

28. What is you favorite song by no.2?
Iron Maiden. I love the artisticness of The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner. It practically leaps into life the moment you hear it and makes you wanna run.

29. What was the first song you ever heard by no.32?
Green Day, well that would be Basket Case then. Played to me by my buddy Martin Green way back when. :P

30. What is you favorite song by no.8?
Axxis. Soooooo difficult to choose really. All of them.

31. How many times have you seen no.17 live?
None. :(

32. Is there a song by no.44 that makes you happy?
David Bowie, oh yeah. ^^ I love Sound and Vision, classic track. And if we're including the Labyrinth soundtrack then Underground is badass too!

33. How did you get into no.12?
Iron Savior. I heard Back into the Light on a power metal compilation album. Instantly hooked.

34. What is the best song by no.45?
Tool. Personally I like 'Hooker With a Penis'. It's the kind of retort you'd love to be able to deliver when someone disses you but could never manage to pull together at the time. :P

35. What was the first song you ever heard by no.34?
Destruction. I think it was Meet Your Destiny. Heard it on Pandora I think.

36. What was the first song you ever heard by no.48?
Lordi. Well it was their winning eurovision entry, Hard Rock Hallelujah. What a glorious musical event that was. ^^

37. How many times have you seen no.42 live?
Meat Loaf. None. :( Shame that.

38. What is you favorite song by no.36?
We'll use Celesty who are sharing spot 35 with H.I.M. It's either 'Revenge' or 'Breed From the Land Unknown'. Both are pretty good.

39. What was the first song you ever heard by no.28?
Falconer. That would be the ballad 'Portals of Light' off a power metal compilation CD.

40. What is you favorite album by no.7?
Kiuas. Gotta be the original, Spirit of Ukko. I bought it the day after hearing the title track on a Spinefarm promo CD.

41. Is there a song by no.31 that makes you happy?
Tenacious D. As a comedy band pretty much everything they've done is funny and thus, all of them. ¬¬ I know I know, my answers for some of these are sucky.

42. What is your favorite album by no.41?
Cryonic Temple. It's simply called 'Chapter 1'. God knows why. :s

43. What is your favorite song by no.24?
Guns 'n' Roses. How can I not pick Sweet Child o' Mine? :P

44. What is a good memory you have involving no.46?
Wheatus. Getting drunk round Charlie's house. We listened to that first album shitloads, outside, playing basketball. ^^

45. What is your favorite song by no.35?
H.I.M. Gotta be The Cage. Cheesy as hell but so enjoyable.

46. Is there a song by no.9 that makes you happy?
Heavenly. When the Rain Begins to Fall. Bloody awesome.

47. What is your favorite album by no.4?
Megadeth have done so many albums. I was always quite fond of Youthanasia.

48. Who is your favorite member of no.37?
Iron Fire. I dunno really. I can't say I could pick between them.

49. What is the first song you ever heard by no.43?
Primal fear. This was off another compilation CD. Metal is Forever.

50. What is your favorite song by no.20?
Slipknot. Either 'Duality' for the energy, or Vermilion Part 2 for the emotion. :P

Ok that took hours. I'm done.