The Earth... it's alive!

May I direct your attention to www.breathingearth.net
It's pretty straightforward so I doubt I need to waste time explaining what you're looking at there. It is strangely hypnotic though, watching the population rise and taking a look at how specific countries are doing. Check out Burundi's falling CO2 emmissions, or Russia's falling population. :o Awesome stuff huh?

Tuesday Music

Returns, sporadically. Today we have a comedy special. See, music and comedy go hand in hand. Provided of course it's done correctly. Here are some people doing it correctly.

Garfunkel and Oates - Fuck You.
These girls are classic. Really. I hope they do a lot more. Check out their other songs when you have time.



College Humour - We Didn't Start The Flame War.
They won't let this video be embedded from Youtube, although they have an embed and download link on their own site. :S Fucktards. Just trying to be awkward. Hope this works then.



Flight of the Conchords - If You're Into It

R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio

Earlier this week we lost a legend. Ronnie James Dio died of stomach cancer aged 67. His music career spanned 53 years, starting when he was just 15. He sang for Rainbow. He replaced Ozzy Osbourne as the lead vocalist in Black Sabbath. He wrote and sang for his own band, Dio. He is credited with popularizing the 'devil horns' symbol thrown by metalheads worldwide. He appeared in the film "The Pick of Destiny" with Tenacious D, playing of course, Himself. His lyrics were fantasy based and often metaphysical which, coupled with his unique voice, made him an incredibly popular singer/songwriter. As tribute, here are three of my favourite Dio songs.

One More For the Road



One More for The Road has that groovy little tune that propels it forward at a pace best described as classicly rock. It was an instant favourite when I heard it and still always gets me smiling and singing along.

Master of the Moon



Sadly the live version of this is hopelessly out of sync. A seemingly common problem on Youtube these days. The above is a fan made video using clips from the videogame Final Fantasy VIII. I love Master of the Moon. It's classic Dio. Wonderfully powerful, amazing lyrics and a strong message about not letting people try to change you? That's my interpretation. Stay true to yourself.

The Man Who Would Be King



Found one with (slightly inaccurate) lyrics again here. I don't know exactly what it is about this song that mystifies me so. There's the war theme on the surface, conquering. There's the whole 'father' thing that makes the core of this about betrayal but also the line "Is the Devil just the man who would be king?" that hints at something deeper, darker. But there's also the fact that there is a Rudyard Kipling story of the same name which in turn is based on the true story of James Brooke, an Englishman who became the first white ruler of Borneo.

So if you're going out this weekend, raise a glass to the man who inspired me and many others. Then have one more for the road.

R.I.P. Dio. We'll miss you.

Bytesize 1.2

I know it's been over a week. Sorry. This is harder than it probably looks.

Bytesize 1.2

It didn't take long for Gaston to drag them along the lightspeed hop to the nearest inhabited system. Kheiros. It was a small dead end system. Only three planets in orbit around the Kheiros star and only two of those were inhabitable, one just barely. But Kheiros 2 was still a busy place and both Kheiros 2 and 3 had orbital docking stations, huge constructs that served as an extension of the planet. As they neared Kheiros 2 Gaston turned off the traction beam and Daizy fired up her ship's sublight engines. A transmission request light blinked on one of the displays and Daizy allowed it. A computerized voice spoke:
"Now approaching Orbital Docking Station K2-Beta. Please identify."
"Captain Daizy Byrne. Ship ID 7943261 alpha. Requesting docking permission for indeterminate stay pending repairs."
"Accepted. Please initiate docking procedure for docking bay H2."
Daizy hit a few buttons on the autopilot controls then watched it to make sure it was actually going to dock with the station and not attempt to fly straight through it. Thankfully it worked without a hitch, positioning her outside dock H2 so the station's traction beam could pull her into the docking bay. As the station slowly swallowed up Daizy's ship she couldn't help but notice Gaston's ship heading into a similar docking position nearby.

A few minutes later she managed to track down Jules. He was stuffing two oil-soaked towels into the laundry unit.
"I have to get round to fixing the shower units." he said. "I think I'll bump it up the 'to do' list once we have new engines. Oh that reminds me."
He looked pleadingly at Daizy and made a mock begging gesture.
"Puleeeeeaazze can I have fifty creds?"
Daizy didn't even need to ask what for. There was only one thing Jules enjoyed spending money on and that was the ever-thriving sex industry. Still, she couldn't blame him. He was Gromularian after all and it wasn't like he ever asked for money for anything else. They gripped left hands and Daizy transferred him fifty credits. Jules grinned.
"That's me taken care of." He handed her a piece of paper. "That's the engine model we need and the new scanning unit for Zeke. Say hi to Gaston for me." He made on obscene hand gesture and Daizy smiled.
"I'll pass that on. See you later."
She watched him scamper off eagerly and then looked down at the paper. At least both her ship and Zeke used fairly common parts. That would make things easy. Speaking of Zeke... She tried the comms a few times with no success and then went looking for him. He was 'asleep' in his sync pod. Zeke was a self powered model so didn't need to recharge but the sync pod allowed him to update his knowledge files from and also send information to the central database.
"Zeke."
"Yes Daizy."
"Come with me."
She waited while he disconnected and then led him off to the airlock. The station's docking bays were pressurized so she simply opened the door and stepped out. The ramp had already been extended by Jules as he made his mad dash for depravity and there, stood at the bottom of it with his entourage, was Gaston. Daizy marched down the ramp.
"If you're waiting for me to fling myself at you in gratitude you have a looooong wait." she said.
"I am merely being courteous." said Gaston, failing to conceal a smirk. "I fancied a leetle shopping myself, while I am here. My robot needs a polish."
He gestured to the black behemoth standing nearby. It was everything Zeke wasn't. Sleek, sexy, jet black, gleaming green lights for eyes. Its joints looked like they would be far more fluid than Zeke's. All in all, it looked like it knew how to kick ass.
"Yeah right." said Daizy. "I'm warning you Gaston. Stay the fuck away from my ship."
"Like I would be interested in 'La Poubelle des Étoiles'." He said dismissively. That was Gaston's favourite joke. Mocking her ship's name, 'Belle of the Stars'.
"Zeke, security protocol four." said Daizy and watched as Zeke took up his position in front of the airlock and detached his zap rifle from his back, gripping it in both hands.
"I know you Gaston." she continued. "You'd just love the chance to poke around Belle for clues about Talus."
"Dai-zee please. You are no closer to finding Talus than me. You have... no clues." he smirked. "And now no enzheene." he said, "Tomorrow I will continue zee search with my ship full of supplies once more."
Daizy knew what he was implying. After buying the engine she and Jules would be poor once more and that meant abandoning the search for Talus temporarily to make some cash. Daizy passed on Jules' obscene hand gesture and waltzed past Gaston and into the space station.

Bytesize 1.1

I dunno. It just kinda popped into my head. Honestly, I have only a vague plot so far but I'm working on it. So updates might be a little slow while I figure out where the story's going and how it's gonna get there. For now, here's the first byte.

Bytesize 1.1

Daizy stared out into space. Or rather she stared at the vidscreen showing the view outside of the ship which was the aforementioned space. She was beginning to hate the sight of space because, once the inital excitement had subsided, space was, in fact, fucking boring. It had been incredibly exciting two years ago, when she'd first bought this spaceship and left the miserable planet of Exerion Prime for the first time. But after two years of blundering through space it had become dull. It wasn't just the bleakness of the everlasting blackness that filled the vidscreen. There was also the fact that she shouldn't be seeing space. Or at least, not at this speed. She moved over to the comm unit and pressed the transmit button.
"Jules, we're out of lightspeed. What's going on?"
There was a long pause filled with static and then Jules' not so deep voice over the comm.
"The lightspeed engines are fucked!"
"That's not what I want to hear Jules. You're my engineer. Work on it. I'll comm you back in ten minutes and I want to hear good news."
She left the comm and flicked on the ship's autopilot. Under the power of the sublight engines it was more than capable of making sure they didn't hit anything. The ship though, was falling apart.
Daizy thought back to those early days working on the salvage yard and one day in particular that had set her out on this crazy path. A new ship had been towed in for salvage and as always she'd checked it over. There was nothing of any real interest until she found a hidden compartment beneath the captain's seat holding an ancient bottle of some spirit. A droid scan had revealed it to be whisky; not only that but a whisky of incredible rarity. She'd checked the flight recorder next and found the last entry pretty cryptic. All it consisted of was the Captain saying "Find Talus." and holding the whisky bottle up to the screen. There was also a set of co-ordinates that were incomplete, missing the reference star that would render them viable. She'd wiped that last entry and took the whisky bottle. That was what got her here. Quitting her job, selling the whisky, buying this heap of junk under the impression it would last far longer than it did. Truth was, she'd been taken for a fool. She got a fair price for the whisky but not for the ship. The lightspeed engines had been on their last legs two years ago and now Jules had his hands full just keeping them running.
Jules.
She buzzed the comm.
"Jules. Make me happy."
"The lightspeed engines are fucked!" said Jules once more.
Daizy sighed and tried the comms again.
"Zeke?"
Another long pause. More static. Even the comms were on their last legs. Finally a robotic voice came back to her.
"Voice pattern Daizy: Yes Daizy?"
"Zeke, meet me in the engine room."
"Affirmation: Yes Daizy."
Zeke came with the ship. He wasn't the best droid around. A little slow if Daizy was honest, which she almost always was. But he had his uses. He was humanoid in design and bipedal and she'd grown fond of him, even if his verbalisation module was somewhat screwed. She checked the autopilot once more to make sure it really was engaged then made her way to the engine room.
The scene when she got there was bizarre. Jules was half wedged in some machinery, just his wiggling legs visible, making intermittent clanking noises and swearing profusely while Zeke stood by repeating "Unknown protocol" in his same robotic monotone.
"Zeke, engine status." she said.
"Engine status is 'fucked'." mumbled Jules from inside the machinery.
"Scanning." said Zeke.
Daizy waited. Minutes passed, Jules cursed.
"Zeke?"
"Scanning." said Zeke.
"I think he needs a new scanning unit." said Jules.
"Scanning."
"Zeke for fuck's sake..."
"Engine status: Unrepairable."
"He said that last time." said Jules, clambering out from the mass of pipes. "This time though, I'm inclined to agree with him. We need a new lightspeed engine Daizy. Until then, sublight is all we've got."
"That's gonna cost most of our money." she sighed. "Zeke, how far to the nearest hospitable planet?"
"Scanning."
"Too far." said Jules. "I already checked. We're sitting dry out here."
"Then we're going to need a tow." Daizy bit her lip, "I'll contact Gast..."
"Don't say it!" yelled Jules."
"...on." said Daizy.
"Dammit!"
"Like it or not, Gaston's our only chance." said Daizy. "I don't know anyone else with a ship big enough to tow us. If you know otherwise Jules..."
"Nearest hospitable planet is Alph..."
"Forget it Zeke." said Daizy. She looked over at Jules. He was filthy, covered in engine oil and sweat. His dark black hair squashed from its usual spikey form into a tangled mass on his head. He was Gromularian which was basically a four foot high humanoid and Daizy's old friend from the salvage yard. She'd let him in on her plan from the start, knowing she'd need his skills if she was ever to find Talus.
"Clean yourself up Jules. I'll go see if I can get the long range comms online long enough to reach Gaston."
Jules threw a mocking salute.
"Aye aye, cap'n."


Back in the captain's chair Daizy tapped away at a computer keypad until the long range comms finally located Gaston's Ident signal. She paused, then decided there really was no other option and hit 'call'. It didn't take long for Gaston to answer and his image came up on the vidscreen. Gaston. Like the vast majority of races in the universe he too was humanoid though with some notable differences. The off-yellow skin for one and a third eye upon his forehead. All three eyes were insect-like compound structures. He smiled when he saw Daizy.
"Ah Dai-zee. To what do I owe ze pleasure?" he asked in his inexplicably French accent that always emphasized both syllables of her name.
"I need your help Gaston." said Daizy, "Our lightspeed engine conked out and we're stranded. Any chance of a tow?"
Gaston raised an eyebrow and she could see the metaphorical glint in his eyes.
"Sweet Dai-zee. I am a very bee-zee man. I would be sacrificing my other obligations..."
"I'll pay you Gaston."
"Four hundred credits." said Gaston, smiling.
"Two fifty." said Daizy, "I have a new engine to buy Gaston. Cut me a break."
"Fine, fine." said Gaston, waving a hand dismissively.
"Thanks. I'll send you our co-ordinates."
"Ah one more thing miss Dai-zee. As much as I trust in our long standing friendship... I must ask for ze credits up front."
"Yeah, sure."
Daizy slammed her left hand down on the palm scanner and transferred two hundred and fifty credits from her biochip into Gaston's account. The transaction must have been successful because Gaston grinned and nodded at the vidscreen.
"Merci. I shall be with you presently."
Daizy killed the vidscreen. Stupid slimy frenk. She hated dealing with Gaston. He took every opportunity to keep a close eye on Daizy for one simple reason. Talus. It had taken her the better part of the first year to discover exactly what Talus was. Back in the early days there had been a planet called Earth on the brink of ecological collapse. The humans living there had done the most logical thing they could do. They had escaped to the nearby planet of Mars. But the newly terraformed Mars didn't have all the resources Earth did and so they left behind a basic colony to produce the goods that they couldn't on Mars until there was nothing left on Earth to use. The last ship to leave Earth was a massive cargo ship called Talus. Legend had it that something went wrong as Talus neared Mars and instead of penetrating the planet's atmosphere the cargo ship was instead slingshotted out into deep space. And that was the last anyone ever saw of Talus. Millennia passed, the neo-Martians colonised other planets, met and interbred with other sentient races and eventually Talus' existence was forgotten. Or almost forgotten. Rumours of it still existed, that treasure trove of ancient Earth artefacts presumably still out there somewhere. But there'd never been any proof of its existence. At least not until Daizy had found the whisky. That was the proof that Talus not only existed but had been found by the ship's captain. At the time Daizy hadn't known it, but selling the bottle of whisky had confirmed the rumour and now many spacefarers hoped to make their fortunes by finding Talus. The search was on once more. And both Daizy and Gaston spent their days trying to find it.
Daizy took one last look at the autopilot, just to be sure, then made her way down to the shower cubicles.

The ship had three shower cubicles although at any given time only one of them would be working. She managed to find the working one on her second try and stood under the lukewarm water. Finding Talus would make her rich and save her having to take on odd jobs just to make ends meet. All she had to do was find it and beat Gaston and countless others to it. And speaking of odd jobs, they were going to have to find something to do to earn some more cash now they had the engines to replace. That probably meant a cargo run. She finished her shower and dried herself off then checked herself out in the mirror. She ran a comb through her bright blue hair that hung midway down her back. She'd inherited that from her father and her pale skin from her mother. Mixed race, half-Exerian, half-Talimarian. Could have been a worse mix. At least she had the standard number of limbs, heads and eyes, which unlike Gaston's were also humanoid in nature if a pale yellow colour. As if he could sense her undressed state the incoming comm signal sounded and she knew Gaston had arrived even before she pressed the button and heard his voice.
"It eez I, cherie. Gaston, your rescuer."